Flossing Submarine

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[Verse 1] At dawn by the Betsie, the parking lot's packed Twelve guys argue ’bout a cooler and a tackle box crack One's got a lawn chair planted right in the stream One's flossing so hard he could floss a submarine The waders are shiny, the egos are gold Every secret hot spot has already been sold A guy says, “Back up, this is my sacred bend” Then trips on his net and blames it on the wind [Pre-Chorus] There’s a sandwich in the current, a boot in the tree And somebody’s explaining fishing etiquette to me [Chorus] Welcome to the Betsie River Shit Show Where all of the dumb-ass flossers go Welcome to the Betsie River Shit Show Where the bobber guys don’t think they’re better than you— they know Come one, come all, let the whole crowd know Welcome to the Betsie River Shit Show [Verse 2] One fellow brought binoculars, a whistle, and a chart He’s guarding six feet of water like a national park Another guy’s yelling, “That drift was mine!” Like the salmon signed a lease and drew a property line A bobber floats by like a tiny parade Three grown men chase it through the lemonade Somebody whispers, “Respect the river, boys” Then cannonballs in and scares away the fish and the noise [Pre-Chorus] There’s a coffee mug spinning, a glove on the bank And the guy with the biggest net has absolutely no rank [Chorus] Welcome to the Betsie River Shit Show Where all of the dumb-ass flossers go Welcome to the Betsie River Shit Show Where the bobber guys don’t think they’re better than you— they know Come one, come all, let the whole crowd know Welcome to the Betsie River Shit Show [Bridge] If your drift is too perfect, your waders too clean If you’ve got three opinions and not one fish seen Take a deep breath, loosen up, let the river flow There’s room for one more fool in the Betsie show [Instrumental Break] [Final Chorus] Welcome to the Betsie River Shit Show Where all of the dumb-ass flossers go Welcome to the Betsie River Shit Show Where the bobber guys don’t think they’re better than you— they know Come one, come all, bring your buddy Joe Welcome to the Betsie River Shit Show Everybody yell it from the parking-lot row: Welcome to the Betsie River Shit Show! [Outro] Pack up your gear, let the salmon swim free And quit casting that bobber at me Welcome to the Betsie River Shit Show