
[verse 1]
Sit down. Iās time we had a chat.
Iāve just got to speak the truth.
Thatās right. I know a lot of words.
So much more than ābarkā and āroofā.
After all the years Iāve lived here
How surprised are you to find
That your dog can talk like people do?
And it aināt just in your mind.
[bridge]
Donāt act so shocked to hear me talk .
You must have guessed beforeā¦
Stop! What was that? Iāll be right back.
I think thereās someone at the door.
[guitar solo]
[bridge]
I apologize. But that was
The mailman at the door.
I bark at him most every day
But he keeps comin back for more.
[chorus]
Well, Iāve seen all the things you do
When no one is around.
Iāve seen you when your guard is up
And when your pants are down.
You think manās the higher species
And weāre just lowly mutts.
But itās you whoās pickin poop up
From someone elseās butt.
[verse 2]
Iāve got some things Iād like to ask
Since you know that I can talk.
Why donāt you play fetch anymore,
Or take me on a walk?
And why is all the the food I eat
Dry kibble from a bag?
Or why my anus always shows
Every time that my tail wags.
[verse 3]
When you have people to the house
You blame all your farts on me.
And you choose my water fountain
When you need a place to pee.
Nearly every day you vanish
And leave me all alone.
So I just bark, cause I donāt know
If youāre ever coming home.
[pre-chours]
You never even thanked me for
those gifts I left for you.
Like the dead squirrel on the back porch or the Turd inside your shoe.
I used to have some real nice balls.
This storyās kind of weird.
I fell asleep once at the vet
And when I woke theyād disappeared
[chorus]
Well, Iāve seen all the things you do
When no one is around.
Iāve seen you when your guard is up
And when your pants are down.
You think manās the higher species
And weāre just lowly mutts.
But itās you whoās pickin poop up
From someone elseās butt.
[instrumental]
[final verse]
You know Iām gettin on in dog years.
And my eyesightās gettin poor.
But I still see your wiener wagglinā
When your bath towel hits the floor.
No! Please donāt stop to pick it up.
I donāt really want to see
Your hairy, pimpled butt crack or
Your brown eye stare at me.
[chorus]
Well, Iāve seen all the things you do
When no one is around.
Iāve seen you when your guard is up
And when your pants are down.
You think manās the higher species
And weāre just lowly mutts.
But itās you whoās pickin poop up
From someone elseās butt.
Yeah, Iāve seen all the things you do
When no one is around.
Iāve seen you when your guard is up
And when your pants are down.
[instrumental]
[outro]
When every day
Is a dog day
Things tend to be a little ruff.
[song ends]
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