Play Along

歌詞

[Verse 1] Boxes in the hallway, another borrowed room, Another school on Monday, another leaving soon. Mom was working all week, dancing Saturday nights, Trying to keep us moving underneath the Bellevue lights. By ten I found a farmhouse, thought I’d finally arrived, A patch of ground called permanent after learning how to slide. Hadn’t even learned the hallways, hadn’t settled in my skin, Before I heard him saying, “If he causes trouble, he’s out again.” [Verse 2] Two blocks down at Huckleberry Flynn’s, autumn coming fast, Wind kicked up, the rain came down, daylight fading fast. I lost myself in being ten till evening rang the bell, Then raced that bike those two blocks home like I was riding out of hell. Tia Sarah saw my bloodshot eyes before my coat was even dry, Said Step-Pa ought to test me— I was probably getting high. I wouldn’t touch that shit till damn near eighteen years of age, But they’d already written chapters before I’d ever reached the page. [Pre-Chorus] Don’t play football, don’t play ball, Somebody could get hurt, Their parents might come suing us For everything we’re worth. So other kids could take the field, I watched ’em from outside— Till high school when I signed her name And played the game denied. Grandma in borrowed ink, Permission I couldn’t get— Sometimes a kid quits asking When he’s tired of hearing no instead. [Chorus] “The prince is tired, Grandma, you better tuck him in.” I put my feet up higher and gave everybody a grin. Big long stretch, fake little snore, Give ‘em what they came here for— If you’re gonna make me the punchline, I’ll beat you to the joke. My buddies weren’t laughing when we finally hit the door. “Man, that’s really fucked up— you alright?” “Yeah, of course.” Slapped his hand from off my shoulder, “I’m good,” then looked away. Got pretty damn good at hiding what I couldn’t let myself say. [Verse 3] They said I never did a thing, incredibly lazy kid, So I learned to yawn on cue and demonstrate how little I did. Meanwhile middle-school mornings had a time clock of their own, Part-time work and changing classrooms, trying to catch what I’d never known. Schoolwork looked like laziness when you’re starting from behind, Different teachers, different buildings, missing pieces every time. Later hauling shingles roofing underneath the summer sun— Still somehow at the dinner table I was the one who’d never done. [Verse 4] There was water in the backyard, blue enough to disappear, Two or three friends swimming with me— that was usually safe in here. Birthday bought a longer evening, maybe let a few more stay, One whole night for the “special boy”—his one “special” day. Don’t spill your drink. Don’t stain the floor. Don’t let somebody slip. Don’t let some angry parent put our whole life in their grip. Then outside a buddy asked me, “Man, you sure that you’re alright?” I brushed his hand from off my shoulder, laughed and said, “Man, I’m alright.” So even paradise had tripwires, even birthdays had a cost. They’d say, “We could lose everything,” and I wondered what I’d lost. [Bridge] And everybody told the story: “He’s so much better than the first.” Like better made it gentle, like less bad couldn’t hurt. Mom carried what came before me, I inherited the doubt— Her boy would probably be trouble, so keep one eye on getting him out. I didn’t know the money. I didn’t know the deeds. Didn’t know which roots beneath that house had really planted all those trees. I only knew one rule for certain before I understood the rest: Don’t ever let them see you hurt. Just smile and play along instead. [Breakdown] “Look at him—he’s tired.” Yawn. “Grandma, tuck the prince in.” Stretch. Everybody laughing. Smile. My friends looking at me like they knew something I wasn’t ready to say. [Final Chorus] “The prince is tired, Grandma, you better tuck him in.” I put my feet up higher— there’s that stupid little grin. Big long stretch, fake little snore, I knew exactly what it was for. If you’re gonna make me the punchline, I’ll beat you to the joke. Then outside somebody held me, “Man, you don’t deserve that shit.” I knocked his arm away and laughed, “It ain’t nothing. I’m used to it.” But a kid shouldn’t have to practice making cruelty disappear. Shouldn’t need to make you laugh so you won’t notice he’s in tears. [Outro] There was a pool behind the house. There was a garden by the shore. There were rooms enough for everyone— and I was scared to mark the floor. They called me prince inside a kingdom I was warned could disappear. Funny thing about a childhood home: You can live there all those years and still wonder if you’re welcome here.