Tater Man

Lyrics

[INTRO] Who is that man, so tall and lean? We call him the Potato King. [VERSE 1] His story starts off way Back home In Trenton was his youth. He learned the value of hard work And how to search for truth. His high-school sweetheart married him. He started his new life With a blonde that he called Sweet Cheeks, Who knows exactly why? [CHORUS] Tater-man! Tater-man! Tell us all your tater plan. Rising like the morning sun, And working hard, but just for fun. [Verse 2] When he wakes up ev’ry morning He’s waiting on the Dawn. Sometimes it’s even dark out when He’s working on the lawn. A man of few distractions He ain’t got time for games. You’ll find him in his favorite chair Reading New King James. [Verse 3] He only eats potatoes now No sugars and no fun. He want to reach a ripe old age Before his heart is done. But when it’s time to feed the kids It’s something cheap and fast. Or Casey’s pizza cut real thin To try to make it last. [CHORUS] Tater-man! Tater-man! Taters diets seem so bland. Credit comes where it is due You’ve stuck to it, so good for you. [Bridge] In his free time he discovers Life’s biggest mysteries? What happened to the dinosaurs? They’re drowned beneath the seas. Or where can I find half-priced bread Of special sales on fruit? Our man Philip knows the secrets Photographs the proof. [CHORUS] Tater-man! Tater-man! Driving Casey’s mini-van. Haulin’ kids with lots of room To play on Sunday afternoons. [Verse 4 - Quietly] Let’s take some time to slow it down Phil needs to concentrate. It’s past seven in the evening The hour is getting late. Our Tater-man is thinking hard, He’s Typing up his notes In a punctuation so advanced It’s Greek to common folks. [Verse 5 - Crescendos] Oh wait! He just remembered that There’s photos of your kids That Philip took six months ago But he forgot to send. It’s time to start a group text chat So ev’ry-one can see. So, Buckle up, it’s started now The text cacophony. [Final Chorus] Tater-man! Tater-man! Cooking taters in a pan. Help us know you’re not insane What happens in that tater brain? Tater-husband loves his wife. Tater-father gave kids life. Tater-deacon works so hard. Tater-gardener in the yard. Tater-man, so tall and lean… Here’s to you, potato king! [thoughtful spoken outro] There’s more to him than meets the eye, And though his words are few. We know that he will always be Potato. Though and through.