Taters

Lyrics

[INTRO]
Who is that man, so tall and lean?
We call him the Potato King.


[VERSE 1]
His story starts off way Back home
In Trenton was his youth.
He learned the value of hard work
And how to search for truth.
His high-school sweetheart married him.
He started his new life
With a blonde that he called Sweet Cheeks,
Who knows exactly why?

[CHORUS]
Tater-man! Tater-man!
Tell us all your tater plan.
Rising like the morning sun,
And working hard, but just for fun.

[Verse 2]
When he wakes up ev’ry morning
He’s waiting on the Dawn.
Sometimes it’s even dark out when
He’s working on the lawn.
A man of few distractions
He ain’t got time for games.
You’ll find him in his favorite chair
Reading New King James.

[Verse 3]
He only eats potatoes now
No sugars and no fun.
He want to reach a ripe old age
Before his heart is done.
But when it’s time to feed the kids
It’s something cheap and fast.
Or Casey’s pizza cut real thin
To try to make it last.

[CHORUS]
Tater-man! Tater-man!
Tater diets seem so bland.
Credit comes where it is due
You’ve stuck to it, so good for you.

[Bridge]
In his free time he discovers
Life’s biggest mysteries?
What happened to the dinosaurs?
They’re drowned beneath the seas.
Or where can I find half-priced bread
Of special sales on fruit?
Our man Philip knows the secrets
Photographs the proof.

[CHORUS]
Tater-man! Tater-man!
Driving Casey’s mini-van.
Haulin’ kids with lots of room
To play on Sunday afternoons.

[Verse 4 - Quietly]
Let’s take some time to slow it down
Phil needs to concentrate.
It’s past seven in the evening
The hour is getting late.
Our Tater-man is thinking hard,
He’s Typing up his notes
In a punctuation so advanced
It’s Greek to common folks.

[Verse 5 - Crescendos]
Oh wait! He just remembered that
There’s photos of your kids
That Philip took six months ago
But he forgot to send.
It’s time to start a group text chat
So ev’ry-one can see.
So, Buckle up, it’s started now
The text cacophony.

[Final Chorus]
Tater-man! Tater-man!
Cooking taters in a pan.
Help us know you’re not insane
What happens in that tater brain?

Tater-husband loves his wife.
Tater-father gave kids life.
Tater-deacon works so hard.
Tater-gardener in the yard.

Tater-man, so tall and lean…
Here’s to you, potato king!


[thoughtful spoken outro]
There’s more to him than meets the eye,
And though his words are few.
We know that he will always be
Potato. Though and through.

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