Lyrics

[VERSE 1]
Well he showed up in a suit with a tie too tight
With a Bible in one hand and a look of fright
Said, “Life is suffering, but order’s the key—
Now pick up your socks and stop crying to me!”

I said “Doc, the world’s on fire, what do I do?”
He screamed “Step one, kid — go clean your room!”

[CHORUS]
GO CLEAN YOUR ROOM! YOU EXISTENTIAL GOBLIN!
Your shadow's too loud, and your father’s been sobbin’
Stand up straight, quit chasin' doom—
You can't fix the world till your floor's got room!


[VERSE 2]
He wept on TV 'bout Pinocchio’s pain
Said “Without discipline, you’re circlin’ the drain!”
He talks in spirals, eats beef in a trance
Said “Chaos is feminine — but hey, let’s dance!”

He’s got maps of meaning, a dragon or two
But still flinches when he’s asked “What the hell do lobsters do?”

[CHORUS]
GO CLEAN YOUR ROOM! YOU NIHILISTIC SPUD!
Your life's just a myth in a Jungian mud
Face the abyss, don’t play the victim tune—
You can’t storm heaven with a messy room!

[BRIDGE]
“Stand up, bucko! Life’s not fair!
Sort yourself out and grow a spine out there!
If you see a tyrant, speak — but not too loud,
And if you cry, make sure it’s in front of a paying crowd!”

[VERSE 3]
Now I ain't sayin’ he’s wrong on the whole damn thing
But there’s somethin’ culty when a man starts to sing
About “meaning through misery,” “logos through pain”
While his fanboys are screamin’ “the West must remain!”

I read his book, tried to sweep my gloom
But all I got was dust and academic doom

[CHORUS]
GO CLEAN YOUR ROOM! YOU POSTMODERN WRECK!
Your soul’s in revolt, and your life's a trainwreck
Make your bed, tame your doom—
Then maybe — just maybe — you’ll clean up the room!


[OUTRO]
"It’s not about the room, ya know. It’s a metaphor... for the Logos. For the archetypal confrontation between chaos and order. Also, uhh... make sure you vacuum behind the dresser."