Magical Massachusetts

Lyrics

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[Verse 1]
Well, it’s seven degrees, and I’m wearin’ short sleeves,
Got my iced Dunks in hand, got no feelin’ in my knees.
Yeah, we drink it in the wintah, we drink it in the sun,
And if ya get a hot coffee? …What, you some kinda nun?!

Took a wrong turn, now I’m lost in Woostah,
(GPS just said, “You’re screwed, kid, good luck, sah.”)
Tryin’ to pahk at Hahvahd but I hit some cones,
Guess I’ll just leave it anywhere—who needs laws anyway, bro?!

[Chorus]
Ohhh, Mass-a-freakin-chusetts, where we legalized in ‘16,
We got ghosts, we got goblins, we got Borden with an axe so mean!
We got sports rings, rich kings, and lobstah from the coast,
And ya still can’t pronounce half the towns we love the most!

(Spoken:)
"Say Peabody. No, wrong. Try again. STILL WRONG!"


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[Verse 2]
From the snobs in the Berkshires to the townies on the Pike,
We all hate Connecticut—don’t ask me why, it’s just right!
New York thinks they’re bettah? Bud, ya need to sit,
Your pizza’s just fine, but ya football team’s sh*t.

Yeah, we birth’d the Revolution, we got JFK,
We got Wahlbergs, we got Murphys, we got freakin’ Fenway!
Yeah, we dump’d the tea, we made history,
And every single one of us drives horrifically!


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[Chorus]
Ohhh, Mass-a-freakin-chusetts, home of Dunkies and bad roads,
Where ya grandma calls it “The Packie,” and our football team just owns!
If ya live here, ya get it, if ya don’t, ya prob’ly won’t,
And ya bettah not complain, kid—we don’t do that in this zone!

(Spoken:)
"Bro, you usin’ a turn signal?! Who you tryin’ to impress, Rhode Island?!"


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[Bridge] (sung like a drunk townie at 1 AM)
Ayooo, I’ll take a regulah,
(Ayooo, I’ll take a regulah!)
And a bacon egg and cheese,
(And a bacon egg and cheese!)
Make it extra freakin’ toasty,
(Make it extra freakin’ toasty!)
And don’t charge me extra cheese!


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[Outro]
So raise ya glass to the Bay State, where the attitude is free,
If ya don’t like it, move to New Hampshah—just stay outta Revere, please!
And if ya hear a horn blastin’? Don’t take it so hard,
That’s just how we say “I love ya”—now move ya freakin’ cah!

(Spoken:)
"Ya done with that Dunkin cup or ya savin’ it for decoration?! MOVE IT!"