Lyrics

[Intro – Spoken, over dramatic piano]

Gather round, kids. Lemme tell you the story of a woman who married her cousin and basically caused World War one..... probably. Ya know sorta.


---

{Verse 1}

🎶 I’m not sayin’ Victoria was the worst of the lot,
But her family tree? Looked like a knot.
Married her cousin, then married her kids—
Off to Europe with genetic bids! 🎶

🎶 Hemophilia? “Not from me,”
She said while sipping her royal tea.
But honey—when all your heirs start bruisin’?
Maybe stop the family cruisin’. 🎶(yuck!!)


---

{Pre-Chorus}

🎶 She called the shots from Windsor’s throne,
Spread her bloodline like a dog with a bone.
Every crown from Rome to Prague
Was just one big royal epilogue. 🎶


---

{Chorus}

🎶 It’s not my fault, I’m just the Queen!
I just played genetic slot machines.
Oops—your heir can't clot? So tragic, babe…
Guess Europe caught the royal plague. 🎶

🎶 I matched 'em up, I shipped 'em out—
Then they went to war and burned it down!
But don’t blame me, I raised ’em classy—
Just not exactly hemoglobin-passy. 🎶


---

{Verse 2}

🎶 My grandson Willy had a little arm,
Nick in Russia? Full Czar Alarm.
George in England tried to stay sane—
But all three fought like it was family game night... with tanks and pain. 🎶


---

{Bridge – Spoken/Sung}

🎤 "I am the grandmother of Europe!"
...Yeah. And the monarchic wrecking ball. (Crash!)

🎶 Left behind a trail of sashes—
Then watched ‘em all turn into ashes! 🎶


---

🎶 Blood so pure, it'll never clot—
They ruled the world, then bled a lot.
Fragile thrones and brittle bones,
With golden genes and gravel homes. 🎶

🎶 Crowned in lace, built to impress—
But couldn’t handle one real mess.
A little scratch? A royal flop.
Your empire ends at one nose drop. 🎶


---

{Final Chorus}

🎶 It’s not my fault—no shame, no guilt!
But half the continent got spilt.
One gave up, one lost their heads,
One bled out in their royal beds. 🎶

🎶 So next time you trace your family curse,
And wonder why your joints are worse—
Just look up at Vic, in her tiny hat,
And whisper: “Girl… what the hell was that?!” 🎶


---

{Outro – Slow and Dramatic}

🎶 One last tip for your family chart…
If your cousin’s hot— you better... not. 💖🎶