Lyrics

Uncle Bill’s balancing bowls of mashed potatoes on his head
Aunt Marge is knitting sweaters for the dog instead of shredding the mail
Cousin Pete’s doing cartwheels by the Christmas tree—he’s one bright red sled
And Mom’s yelling, “Where’s the turkey?” while Dad’s hiding the cranberry trail

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Chorus

Oh, holiday family chaos, turkey’s flying across the floor
Grandma’s fruitcake sent to Mars—no one dares open the door
Kids are howling “Santa lost it,” the cat’s dressed up like a clown
We’re roasting chestnuts on the radiator, and no one’s listened to a sound

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Verse 2

Grandpa’s snoozing in the pantry with a half-eaten gingerbread man
Sister’s live-streaming grievances—she’s got thirteen million fans
The dog’s chewing up the menorah, the fish are caroling loud
I tried to prayer for peace and quiet, but the parrot’s calling me “Merry and Proud”

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Bridge

Jingle bells are ping-pong balls, and eggnog’s poured in the fishbowl
We’ve got tinsel stuck in the ceiling fan, and nobody’s reached the goal
The family photo turned into a dodgeball match under the mistletoe
Why do we celebrate in chaos? Well, it’s tradition you should know!

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Chorus (Repeat)

Oh, holiday family chaos, turkey’s flying across the floor
Grandma’s fruitcake sent to Mars—no one dares open the door
Kids are howling “Santa lost it,” the cat’s dressed up like a clown
We’re roasting chestnuts on the radiator, and no one’s listened to a sound

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Outro

So here’s to festive pandemonium, from the attic down below
We’ll hug it out in minor key, then hit ‘em with a final whoa
Merry chaos, happy havoc, may your fruitcake never harden
See you next year in the same wild ride—our hearts and homes still garden