You a bitch John

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You a Bitch, John [Country stomp, twangy guitar, spoken verses] [Verse 1] John walked in with his big chest puffed out, Whole lotta words, don’t know what he’s talkin’ about. I said, “I call it like I see it, buddy, that’s my thing.” Then the truth walked in when I started to sing. He’s got a big torso but a weak, frail spine, Says, “Don’t involve me,” then crosses the line. You can polish them boots till the daylight’s gone, But they still walk backward when the heat comes on. [Chorus] You a bitch, John, bless your oversized heart, All that horsepower, won’t even start. Got a big ol’ bark from behind your fence, Then you play confused when it’s time to make sense. You a bitch, John, go on, sing along, If the boot don’t fit, why you hate this song? [Verse 2] You’re a heavyweight champ when I ain’t around, Throwin’ big opinions in a little-bitty town. But face to face, now you’re Switzerland, “Whoa, let’s settle down, I’m a peaceful man.” You can hold your beer, you can hold a grudge, But an honest position takes a little too much. Bought a belt buckle bigger than a dinner plate, Just to hold back all that dinner you ate. [Chorus] You a bitch, John, bless your oversized heart, Three hundred plus horsepower, won’t even start. Got a big ol’ bark from behind your fence, Then you play confused when it’s time to make sense. You a bitch, John, go on, sing along, If the boot don’t fit, why you hate this song? [Spoken bridge] Now, John… Nobody asked you to wrestle a bear. Just tell the damn truth, And we’ll call it square. [Final chorus] You a bitch, John, there it is, Could’ve minded your own damn business. But you took that stage, better learn that tune, Can’t throw your shade then blame high noon. You a bitch, John, come on, sing along, Just four little words and a country song. [Spoken outro] That’s John with an H… Or Jon without. Either way, You know who I’m talking about.