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MISANDRY GOTCHAS [Intro – Cheerful piano, game show voice] Welcome to Misandry Gotchas! Where we fight hate... with more hate! Tonight's prizes: double standards, Group blame, and a shiny new label! Misogyny? Bad! Misandry? Also bad! Wait, why is that up for debate? [Verse 1 – Bouncy] "Ten donuts in a box, And one is filled with poo! Would you trust the other nine?" What a clever thing to do! You've turned the human race Into a bakery of fear, One bad donut, nine suspects, Case closed! Let's all cheer! "But some snakes can hurt you!" Yes, I'd watch where I step. Being safe is common sense, But here's the part you left: You can take care of yourself Without blaming someone new For a thing they never did, Just because they look like who? [Chorus – Bright, layered voices] Misandry gotchas! Misogyny too! Same old double standard With a shiny point of view! Put a bow upon the blame, Call it progress, call it fair, If the rule changes with the target, Then the bias is still there! [Verse 2 – Fast piano] "All men until no men!" Oh, what a perfect plan! Put the whole world on trial If the suspect was a man! Forget the facts and witnesses, Forget who did the crime, We've got guilt by birth now, What a wonderful time! "If you don't speak up, you're guilty!" How often must I shout? I called it wrong on Monday, Does that count, or does it run out? Do I get a badge and whistle? Do I track down every creep? Or can we judge the ones who did it, And let the others sleep? [Chorus] Misandry gotchas! Misogyny too! Same old double standard With a shiny point of view! You can call it social justice, You can dress it up in gold, But a stereotype's a stereotype, No matter how it's sold! [Verse 3 – Mock classroom] "Most violent crooks are men!" Let's check what that can mean: Most crooks in one group Doesn't mean most in that group are mean! Two very different questions, Two very different sums, You can't turn a crime chart Into a test for everyone! Women face real danger, Men can be hurt too. Helping one group doesn't mean The other doesn't count to you. "Not all men" can miss the point When someone's sharing pain, But hearing them and being fair Can live inside one brain! [Verse 4 – Fake ad jingle] "It's only hate online!" Well, that's a magic screen! It turns a nasty message Into something nice and clean! Post it, share it, spread it, Watch the comments grow, But if it leaves the internet, Does the hate just say hello? [Music stops] No. No, it doesn't. [Verse 5 – Faster, playful] "Women can control themselves!" Well, everyone should try! Consent is not a contest With a winner picked by type. Men can cross a boundary, Women can do that too, The rule is: keep your hands to yourself, And let a no mean no to you! "If you're not fighting every wrong, You're helping it survive!" Are you out there fixing every crime Every minute you're alive? No? Then maybe we agree On one thing after all: Do what you safely can, But don't blame folks for it all! [Bridge – Voices pile up] Trust the facts! Ignore the math! Fight the hate! Pick a half! Love all people! Blame a crowd! Say it softly! Shout it loud! [Silence] That sounds... a little odd. [Verse 6 – Piano slows] If someone hurts another, Hold them to the law. But if we want less harm, Let's look at what we saw: Fear and pain and poverty, Bad lessons passed along, None of that excuses crime, It helps us see what's wrong. Listen to the victims, Let the guilty face their deeds. Build a world with safer homes And help for those in need. We don't need a team to hate, Or a gender to accuse, Just one rule for everyone, No matter who we choose. [Final Chorus – Big, then soft] Misandry gotchas! Misogyny too! If you hate a whole group, The joke might be on you! You can dress it up as progress, But the trick is still the same: You don't end discrimination By changing who you blame! [Outro – Spoken, single piano] Protect people. Hear the victims. Judge the actions. Not the gender. And if your big idea for ending hate Is to give hate better branding... [Pause] Congratulations. You've invented hate. Again. [One bright piano chord] Thanks for playing!