Your boss is an absolute…

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[TITLE: YOUR BOSS IS AN ABSOLUTE… HA HA HA HA HEE!] [INTRO – JAUNTY PIZZICATO STRINGS, UPRIGHT PIANO, BASSOON AND PLAYFUL BRASS. FOUR BARS. SINGLE BRITISH FEMALE LEAD THROUGHOUT] [VERSE 1 – BRIGHT, WITTY FEMALE VOCAL, JAUNTY ORCHESTRAL RHYTHM] At nine she rings the office To ask what’s being done. By ten she’s changed the orders Before the first one’s begun. She hasn’t been in for seven years, Not a soul remembers when. But every time the telephone rings, She’s telling them off again! [PRE-CHORUS – STRINGS RISE, CHEEKY WOODWIND FLOURISHES] She barks her orders down the line, From somewhere rather grand. She’s never seen the office, But she’s got it all in hand! [CHORUS – BIG, CATCHY ORCHESTRAL MELODY, SAME FEMALE LEAD, PLAYFUL RHYTHMIC LAUGHTER] Your boss is an absolute… Ha ha ha ha hee! I’d finish off that sentence, But I’m far too polite, you see! Your boss is an absolute… Ha ha ha ha ho! She can bark down the telephone, But at five o’clock you go! Ha ha ha ha hee! Ha ha ha ha ho! Your boss is an absolute… Oh, we all know! [INSTRUMENTAL – EIGHT BARS, BOUNCY CLARINET, PIZZICATO STRINGS, TUBA AND RHYTHMIC PIANO] [VERSE 2 – LIGHT, COMIC STORYTELLING, CRISP BRITISH DICTION] She says she welcomes new ideas, She likes a different view. But when somebody offers one, She tells them what to do. The heating’s off, the window sticks, The post is running late. She’d like a full explanation Before the end of the day. [PRE-CHORUS – PLAYFUL BRASS, STRINGS BUILD] She calls you all a family, A happy little team. But when you ask her for some help, She’s nowhere to be seen! [CHORUS – FULL ORCHESTRA, SAME SOLO FEMALE LEAD] Your boss is an absolute… Ha ha ha ha hee! I’d finish off that sentence, But I’m far too polite, you see! Your boss is an absolute… Ha ha ha ha ho! She can bark down the telephone, But at five o’clock you go! Ha ha ha ha hee! Ha ha ha ha ho! Your boss is an absolute… Oh, we all know! [INSTRUMENTAL DANCE BREAK – SIXTEEN BARS, EXUBERANT 1960S MUSICAL COMEDY, TAPPING RHYTHMS, PIANO, BRASS, PICCOLO AND PIZZICATO STRINGS] [BRIDGE – WARMER STRINGS, GENTLY SATIRICAL MELODY] There’s nothing wrong with leading, And there’s nothing wrong with rules. But the people doing all the work Might know a thing or two. If she came in for an afternoon, She might find, to her surprise, That half the problems in the office Are the plans she keeps revising! [SHORT ORCHESTRAL PAUSE – CHEEKY BASSOON] [FINAL CHORUS – EXUBERANT ORCHESTRAL LIFT, SAME FEMALE LEAD, BIG SWEEPING MELODY] Your boss is an absolute… Ha ha ha ha hee! I’d finish off that sentence, But I’m far too polite, you see! Your boss is an absolute… Ha ha ha ha ho! She can bark down the telephone, But at five o’clock you go! [FINAL REFRAIN – PLAYFUL, BOUNCING MELODY, BUILDING BRASS] She can ring a hundred times, She can tell you what to do. She can change the office rules, And then change them back by two! She can call another meeting, She can say she’s always right. But she can’t make you answer When you’ve gone home for the night! [FINAL CHORUS – GRAND THEATRICAL FINISH] Your boss is an absolute… Ha ha ha ha hee! Your boss is an absolute… Oh, we all agree! Your boss is an absolute… [SHORT ORCHESTRAL SILENCE] Ha ha ha ha HEE! [OUTRO – CHEERFUL ORCHESTRAL FLOURISH, SOLO FEMALE VOCAL] At five the telephone is ringing, But there’s nobody to hear. She hasn’t come in seven years, So why should they stay here? [FINAL COMIC BRASS FANFARE AND TUBA NOTE]