Echoes of a Vanished Self

Lyrics

[Verse 1] I don’t know how much longer I can live inside this head It keeps eating me alive Even when I’m still in bed Most days I don’t have control I just learn to look away Dress the damage up as something I can somehow tolerate And every time I face it It just pulls me further down There’s a language in my feelings But I never learned the sound I swear I couldn’t tell you Even if I really tried How do you explain a world No one else can see inside? [Pre-Chorus] It gets better, then it gets worse But it never really leaves I just hide it underneath Anything that lets me breathe [Chorus] I wanna sleep, I wanna sleep Till this world forgets my name Stay forever in my dreams Somewhere nothing feels the same I keep running from myself But there’s nowhere left to go I don’t wanna disappear I just want the pain to let me go Take me back, take me back To the person I was before Before my whole life became Something I don’t recognize anymore [Verse 2] I just want my father calling Saying, “Please come back home” I wanna walk through that old doorway And not feel so alone I want both my parents there again I want my bedroom, I want those years Before every little thought I had Was poisoned by my fears Not back to getting fucked up Just to make my mind go quiet Even though some days I miss The way it made me feel inside it I mean before all of that When leaving home was nothing hard When strangers weren’t a reason To keep my whole world in the dark When my friends still used to call me Just to ask me to come out When I didn’t analyze Every single word from every mouth When I had something like a future And I thought I’d make it there When I had motivation When I still believed I cared [Pre-Chorus] I keep looking for that version Like she’s someone I could find But every year she gets more distant Like a photograph in time [Chorus] I wanna sleep, I wanna sleep Till this world forgets my name Stay forever in my dreams Somewhere nothing feels the same I keep running from myself But there’s nowhere left to go I don’t wanna disappear I just want the pain to let me go Take me back, take me back To the person I was before Before my whole life became Something I don’t recognize anymore [Bridge] I’m too kind I’m too scared I forgive what isn’t fair Too insecure to let them see me Too afraid that they might leave me I say yes when I mean no Let everybody take control Try to make the whole world happy Then hate myself when I can’t manage I can’t keep friendships alive I can’t build the life I planned I keep waiting for tomorrow While today slips through my hands And I don’t know when the mirror Started feeling like a threat I don’t know when I stopped seeing Anything worth loving yet [Breakdown] When was the last time I looked at myself And thought I was beautiful? When was the last time Someone made me feel Like I was worth loving at all? When was the last time I felt love Without waiting for it to disappear? Tell me— When did I become Someone I don’t recognize in here? [Final Chorus] I wanna sleep, but more than that I wanna wake up feeling new I wanna find the girl I lost Before I learned to hate the view I keep searching through the past Like it’s somewhere I can go Maybe I don’t need my old life I just need to feel like home Take me back, take me back Or give me something worth moving toward ‘Cause I don’t wanna spend forever Missing who I was before [Outro] I don’t remember feeling pretty I don’t remember feeling loved I don’t remember when I last Knew what it meant to be in love But somewhere underneath all this Maybe she’s still there The girl who wasn’t scared The girl who used to care.