All I Want for Christmas are the Epstein Files

Lyrics

[INTRO — SPOKEN] Oh, Santa… Keep the mistletoe. Bring the documents. [VERSE 1] I don’t need another sweater, I don’t need another tree. I don’t need a choir of neighbors Singing cheerfully at me. Keep the cocoa, keep the cookies, Keep the ribbons by the mile. There is only one thing missing From my perfect Christmas pile. [PRE-CHORUS] I don’t want a shiny promise Wrapped in legalese and smiles. Santa, skip the toys this year— I only want the files. [CHORUS] All I want for Christmas are the Epstein files. Every page they blacked to midnight, Every name beneath the piles. No more “pending,” no more “later,” No more carefully rehearsed smiles. All I want for Christmas are the Epstein files. [VERSE 2] I don’t need a sleigh of reindeer Flying circles through the night. I just need one red-nosed whistleblower Pointing Rudolph toward the light. Let the stockings hold subpoenas. Let the tree lights scan the halls. Let the elves form one small task force With some very festive gall. [PRE-CHORUS] You can keep the vague assurances, The spin, the shrugs, the trials. Santa, bring the truth unfiltered— Bring the boxes. Bring the files. [CHORUS] All I want for Christmas are the Epstein files. Not a summary of a summary In a thousand polished styles. Lose the ink and lose the footnotes. Lose the diplomatic smiles. All I want for Christmas are the Epstein files. [POST-CHORUS — CHOIR] Fa-la-la—who signed the plea? Fa-la-la—why secrecy? Fa-la-la—who knew all the while? Bring the names and bring the files. [VERSE 3] They can keep the press-room garland. They can keep the scripted cheer. They can keep “ongoing inquiries” Running through another year. They weren’t buying love or romance. They just abused children—then Paid to cover up the horror With the help of powerful friends. [PRE-CHORUS] If the daylight breaks a legacy, Then it should come crashing down. No reputation outranks truth, No matter whose name wears the crown. [CHORUS — FULL CHOIR] All I want for Christmas are the Epstein files. Every ledger, every contact, Every flight and every mile. Not a rumor, not a witch hunt— Just the truth without denial. All I want for Christmas are the Epstein files. [BRIDGE] Oh, the bells keep ringing, The pundits keep spinning, The pages go missing, Then somehow reappear. The lawyers start talking, The witnesses walking, The clock keeps on ticking— But Christmas time is here. So open every curtain. Let the sealed become revealed. No title earns exemption. No fortune forms a shield. [BREAKDOWN — CALL AND RESPONSE] [Lead:] Who hid the paper? [Choir:] Follow the money! [Lead:] Who changed the story? [Choir:] Follow the money! [Lead:] What’s Santa bringing? [Choir:] The files, honey! [Lead:] What do we want? [Choir:] The truth—uncut! [FINAL CHORUS] All I want for Christmas are the Epstein files. Stack the facts beneath the tree And line the records down the aisles. No more protecting reputations Built on silence and denial. All I want for Christmas are the Epstein files. All I want for Christmas— No commemorative mug. All I want for Christmas— No bipartisan shrug. All I want for Christmas— No redacted little pile. All I want for Christmas… Are. The. Epstein. Files. [OUTRO — CHOIR] Bring the truth. Bring the light. Bring the files Into the night.