Burrito Bash & Baby Boogie

Lyrics

It was a sunshine spring day, perfect for romance and cheer Me and my sweet wife headin’ to a baby shower, full of good beer… ideas She floated in that white and lavender dress with a bow in her hair so cute I was one lucky redneck, struttin’ like a king in his boots Scarfed her leftover burrito straight from the fridge real quick “Didn’t wanna hog the cheese and crackers,” man, what a slick trick We rolled in right on time, room packed with summer dresses flowin’ I was the lone rooster in a henhouse of perfume, Lord, I was glowin’ (Chorus) Then this mama smiled and said “Uncle Al, hold my angel so fine” I lifted that baby sky-high for a big ol’ kissin’ time But she erupted like a volcano—breast milk tsunami supreme Hit my tonsils, up my nostrils, turned my face into a cream Burrito revenge launched like a cannon, splattered the lady on my left She ricocheted right back on me, the baby, and the whole damn set My wife hit the domino next, launched on her neighbor with a splash Chain-reaction puke apocalypse—holy vomit flash! (Verse 2) I staggered up still gaggin’, throat doin’ the hokey-pokey dance Out flew the diarrhea rocket from my white shorts—pure brown romance Painted that white linen table like modern art gone wrong Onesies, rattles, gift cards—everything covered in my personal song Bloody Marys joined the riot, red spicy lava from every hand Summer dresses went from pastel heaven to “oh hell no” land That poor little infant got baptized in puke, burrito, and booze The smell hit harder than a skunk convention—everybody had to lose (Chorus) Yeah the baby blew up, I threw up, it was a barf-a-geddon delight Diaper duty turned dookie duty in the broad daylight Perfume paradise flipped to puke purgatory so rank The funniest freakin’ fiasco—threw up in the bank! (Bridge) Phones came out faster than a gunslinger at high noon “Uber! Save us please!”—they took one whiff and howled “Hell no, you goon!” So we marched home in the blazing sun like a zombie parade of shame Drippin’ regret, chunks, and memories—whistlin’ all the way, what a game (Final Chorus) It was the baby shower from the seventh circle of spew But lookin’ back I’m cryin’ laughin’—best day I ever knew That lavender bow, the burrito plot twist so bold The exploding baby, poop fireworks, and the stories we told Yeah it was the funniest day of my whole dang life, amen The day the baby shower blew up… and we all did it again! (Outro – spoken with a big belly laugh) Moral of the story, boys? Never eat cold burritos before baby duty… And always pack a hazmat suit. Yee-haw and yuck!