
(Choir Clapping) 👏👏 Amen! Amen! ⸻ (Monsignore Talks) Brothers… Sisters… Children… Tonight we must speak… …about cucumbers. (Choir gasps) ⸻ (Verse 1) The serpent came through Cucumber Lane, Whispered softly in the rain. “Take one bite, Dance all night…” Brothers… That just ain’t right! (Choir) Amen! Amen! Tell the truth! ⸻ (Call And Response) Monsignore: Who made tomatoes? Choir: THE LORD DID! Monsignore: Who made pickles? Choir: WE DON’T KNOW! Monsignore: Who keeps asking silly questions? Choir: RAMBLIN’ REGGIE! ⸻ (Choir Clapping) 👏👏👏👏 ⸻ (Verse 2) Tomatoes shine Like heaven’s light, Round and honest, Red and bright. Cucumbers hide Behind green skin, That’s exactly Where trouble begins! (Choir) Praise the tomato! Leave cucumbers be! ⸻ (Singer Talks) Children… Have you ever seen… A suspicious tomato? … Exactly. ⸻ (Organ Solo) ⸻ (Verse 3) Professor Picklehead, Bless his soul, Thinks a pickle Can make you whole. But every pickle, Every jar… Leads musicians Much too far! (Choir) Mercy! Mercy! Pray today! ⸻ (Singer Whispers) I once smelled… Dorian Duftwasser’s… Cucumber perfume… … Three days… I couldn’t stop sneezing… ⸻ (Build Up) Raise your voices! Raise your hands! Clap together! Louder! LOUDER!! ⸻ (Call And Response) Monsignore: What grows in heaven? Choir: TOMATOES! Monsignore: What grows in trouble? Choir: CUCUMBERS! Monsignore: Who keeps stealing our choir? Choir: RAMBLIN’ REGGIE!! ⸻ (Choir Laughs) ⸻ (Verse 4) Rosie smiles, Jenny spins, That’s exactly How it begins! One little boogie, Two little shakes… Next thing you know… You’re eating pickles on roller skates! (Choir gasps dramatically) ⸻ (Singer Talks) Brothers… The tomato… Has never betrayed us. Not once. ⸻ (Last Chorus) Praise the tomato! Bright and round! Holiest fruit In all the town! Keep your pickles! Keep your jam! We’ll keep singing YES WE CAN! Tomato glory! Heaven’s flame! Bless the ketchup! Praise its name! Amen! Amen! One more time! AMEN!! ⸻ (False Ending) Go in peace… … … (Singer Talks) … Wait… Who’s eating a pickle?! … Brother Samuel… Spit it out! ⸻ (Grand Finale) Raise your voices! Raise your song! Tomatoes have been right all along! No cucumber! Not today! Keep temptation far away! Amen! Hallelujah! Praise the vine! Every tomato Is divine! (Standing Ovation)
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