Head down when I pray

Lyrics

[Intro – spoken, gravelly] Yeah... I ain't no preacher. I ain't no saint. I'm just somebody who finally figured out the difference between bein' alive... and really livin'. Slide guitar cries. [Verse 1] Legs went numb, had to stand up quick, Hit the damn floor like I'd been shot again. Military memories still live in my skin, Laugh about it now, but I remember where I've been. Cold-ass room with a fire burnin' low, Bucket tipped over, smoke all in my clothes. Life ain't pretty, hell, everybody knows, But flowers grow wild where the hard wind blows. I've worn county chains, I've worn prison blues, Made some bad calls I couldn't undo. Had forty-some years starin' back at my face, Found mercy somewhere in a concrete place. Now I don't hang my head over yesterday, Only time I bow is when I kneel down to pray. I know who I was, I know what I've done— But I know who I am when I call on the Son. [Pre-Chorus] I ain't holy 'cause I never hit the dirt, I'm holy 'cause He met me where it hurt. Still got scars, still lose my way— But I keep that Word carved inside my veins. [Chorus] I keep my head up, 'til I put it down to pray, Been through hell, but hell ain't where I'm gonna stay. Love ain't a feeling that disappears with pain, It's standin' in the storm when everybody walks away. I'm no preacher, I'm no saint, Got mud on my boots and blood in my mistakes. He left ninety-nine for somebody like me— So I keep my head up... 'Til I'm down on my knees. [Post-Chorus] Down when I pray... Up when I walk. I don't gotta see love to know what I got. Down when I pray... Up when I fight. I carried enough darkness— Now I'm carryin' light. [Verse 2] Grandma told me, “Baby, love ain't how you feel, Feelings change daily, but the real stays real.” Nobody taught you how to love your own child, You just held 'em one time and understood why. Can't see love, but you know when it's there, Can't hold faith, still it carries your prayers. Can't see wind, still it bends every tree— So don't tell me only what I see can be real to me. I used to hate hard, yeah, colder than stone, Wouldn't throw my enemy a rope going down. Now I pray for people I once prayed would fall, That's how I know somethin' changed after all. Don't mean I'm weak, don't mean I won't stand, Don't mean you get to disrespect who I am. It means revenge ain't gotta live in my chest— Some battles ain't mine, I can leave God the rest. [Chorus] I keep my head up, 'til I put it down to pray, Been through hell, but hell ain't where I'm gonna stay. Love ain't a feeling that disappears with pain, It's standin' in the storm when everybody walks away. I'm no preacher, I'm no saint, Got mud on my boots and blood in my mistakes. He left ninety-nine for somebody like me— So I keep my head up... 'Til I'm down on my knees. [Verse 3 – darker, 808s heavier] Don't judge that book by the jailhouse ink, You ain't read a page, you don't know what I think. Every tattoo got a dead man's name, Every scar got a night that I somehow escaped. Music notes run from my hands to my heart, Every damn thing they took turned into art. Names of my babies where the bloodline stays, Put the ones that I lost in the songs that I make. I've been called crazy, sinner, trouble, no good, Been misunderstood like I knew that I would. Say whatever you want, I learned one little trick— Agree with a hater, watch 'em get twice as pissed. “Yeah, you're right, I'm a mess, what else?” I already fought that war with myself. You can't shame a man who's admitted his flaws, Especially one who found grace underneath 'em all. [Bridge – gospel/blues breakdown] Pray about everything... Keep prayin' without ceasing. Write it on the heart... Not just where you're readin'. That voice sayin', “Don't...” When your flesh says, “Go...” Sometimes the thing beneath you sees what you don't know. And I missed every warning, Took the long damn road... But every mile through darkness brought me closer home. [Break – stripped guitar + vocal] If love was only a feeling, We'd quit when feeling hurts. If faith was only sunshine, It'd die inside the dirt. But roots grow in darkness... And diamonds come from weight. Maybe being broken ain't the opposite of grace. [Final Chorus – huge gospel choir + 808s] So I keep my head up, 'til I put it down to pray, Been through hell, but hell ain't where I'm gonna stay. Love ain't a feeling that disappears with pain, It's carryin' somebody when they can't carry their weight. I ain't perfect, never claimed it, I've been guilty, I've been dangerous. But He left ninety-nine for the one nobody needs— And somewhere down that road... That lost one was me. [Outro – spoken] I ain't religious enough for some people. Too rough for the church crowd. Too much Jesus for the street crowd. That's alright. I know what I know. I know love when it walks in. I know darkness when it calls. And I know the only time I'm ashamed to hold my head high...