Kevin, Put the Bottle Down

Lyrics

[Verse 1] Kevin’s at the corner booth, raising up a glass Telling every stranger there he’s built to run the track A little wiener in his pocket, talking back with nerve Myers just rolls his eyes and says, “Man, get what you deserve” [Pre-Chorus] He says he crossed the finish line, he says he broke the tape But the map on his phone says six miles was his escape [Chorus] Kevin, Kevin, put the bottle down You ran six miles, don’t wear the marathon crown No water in your backpack, no sense in your head Texting Ray Ray from accounts you made instead Kevin, Kevin, everybody knows The bigger that you brag, the shorter that it shows [Verse 2] He’s got three new usernames and a story for each one Ray Ray gets a message saying, “Guess who just outran the sun?” Myers hears the whole report and laughs into his drink Kevin says he’s an athlete, then forgets what he should think [Pre-Chorus] He says the course was brutal, says the crowd was ten miles long But six little miles and a tall tale make his victory song [Chorus] Kevin, Kevin, put the bottle down You ran six miles, don’t wear the marathon crown No water in your backpack, no sense in your head Texting Ray Ray from accounts you made instead Kevin, Kevin, everybody knows The bigger that you brag, the shorter that it shows [Bridge] Myers says, “Buddy, drink some water, take a breath” The little wiener says, “He’s exaggerating again” Ray Ray gets a dozen texts, all signed by someone new Kevin swears they’re different people, but the typing gives him through [Final Chorus] Kevin, Kevin, put the bottle down Six miles is still six miles, lose the marathon crown Fill a cup with water, let the tall tales rest Stop texting Ray Ray from a brand-new account again Kevin, Kevin, now the whole room knows A six-mile legend in a very small show [Outro] He raises up his glass, then Myers points toward the door “Tomorrow you can run six—just don’t claim you ran much more.”