Just Trying 2 Find My Peace

Lyrics

VERSE 1 I hear the walls breathe when the whole house sleeps Every little shift sounds too loud to me The crickets outside scream over the TV And the air changes temperature like it’s touching me An airplane passes somewhere miles away But my body hears a jet and starts to brace I know where I am, I know I’m safe But try telling that to every nerve awake PRE-CHORUS Every vibration Every footstep Every shadow moving Every breath My mind keeps scanning Like something’s coming And I’m so tired Of expecting it CHORUS So leave the light low, let the whole world fade I’m not trying to leave, I’m trying to find a place Where nothing is screaming and nothing needs me Where my memories finally loosen their teeth I don’t wanna die, I just need some peace I need five damn minutes where my body believes That the war is over, that I made it home That silence doesn’t mean I’m waiting for something to explode I’m still here I’m just trying to come back to me VERSE 2 Some days I’m watching myself from far away Someone’s talking but the words don’t stay I nod at the right time, stare through the room While my brain finds somewhere quieter to move There are memories I never invited in Still kicking doors down underneath my skin Stress piles up until the seams give way Then everybody wonders why I fade I’m not cold I’m overloaded I’m not gone I’m just folded Into some corner of my own mind Trying to survive the noise inside PRE-CHORUS Every heartbeat Every engine Every sound becomes A warning Even comfort Feels like pressure When my whole nervous system Won’t stop listening CHORUS So leave the light low, let the whole world fade I’m not trying to leave, I’m trying to find a place Where nothing is screaming and nothing needs me Where my memories finally loosen their teeth I don’t wanna die, I just need some peace I need five damn minutes where my body believes That the war is over, that I made it home That silence doesn’t mean I’m waiting for something to explode I’m still here I’m just trying to come back to me BRIDGE I have carried years that never learned to end Built a life while dragging ghosts behind it Kept standing when my knees said stop Kept loving people when I had nothing left And everybody sees me breathing So they think that means I’m fine They don’t hear the thousand little alarms Going off behind my eyes I am trying God, I am trying To stay soft when my body says fight To stay present when my head goes somewhere else To remember I survived that life I’m not giving up I’m giving my mind somewhere to hide BREAKDOWN No voices No footsteps No engines overhead No memories No pressure No living in my head Just one quiet room inside me Where nothing has happened yet Let me stay there for a minute Let me catch my breath FINAL CHORUS Leave the light low, I’ll come back around I’m just trying to turn the whole damn volume down I don’t wanna vanish, I don’t wanna run I just need my body to believe the danger’s done I wanna feel safe without watching the door I wanna hear a plane and hear a plane, nothing more I wanna hear the crickets and let them just be Not another sound my brain turns into an emergency I’m still strong Even exhausted Still here Even lost in it And if I go quiet Don’t call it goodbye I’m making space inside my mind So the rest of me can survive OUTRO I’m still here I’m still here Just turn the volume down I’m trying to find my peace Without disappearing to find it