Back at the Gate

Lyrics

[Verse 1] She gave him some change, said, “Go have some fun” Then turned back like she always done So he slipped beneath the lights with a ticket in his hand Looking for his favorite ride on the other side of the land Calliope was singing, colored bulbs were burning bright Cotton candy clouds hanging pink against the night He could hear that old ride calling somewhere up ahead So he followed all the music where the painted arrows led [Verse 2] There’s a mother by the midway, drunk and screaming at her boys While they stare down at their shoes beneath the carnival noise There’s a man behind a trailer with his fist around her arm And everybody passes like there’s no cause for alarm There’s a little girl crying, but nobody knows her name Two boys stealing from a vendor like it’s just another game Older kids behind the funhouse passing bottles, passing smoke Laughing much too loud at something that was never really a joke And he keeps walking Keeps his ticket in his hand He keeps walking Like a boy’s supposed to stand [Chorus] He just wants to ride He just wants to get there Past the shouting, past the shadows Past the faces everywhere There’s a light on the other side He can see it when the crowd divides So he holds that little ticket Like it’s gonna save his life And he walks And he walks And he walks [Verse 3] But the midway keeps on filling, bodies closing every space Shoulders knocking into shoulders, strangers breathing in his face Every voice becomes a siren, every touch becomes a threat And the ride he came to find is getting farther from him yet Till there’s nowhere left to move now There’s nowhere left to go His chest is getting tighter But nobody seems to know So he crouches by the pavement Puts his hands over his head While a thousand feet move past him And the whole world spins instead [Pre-Chorus] Then the river of the crowd breaks Just enough to let him breathe He looks up Sees an opening Gets up on shaking knees And runs. [Verse 4] He runs behind the game tents where the colored lights don’t reach Past the generators humming, past the midway and its screams Finds a corner in the darkness, pulls his knees up to his chest And for the first time since he entered Everything is still He watches from the shadows All those lights collide People pushing, people laughing People hurting people inside He knows his ride is somewhere Just beyond that human sea But the darkness asks for nothing And it lets him simply be [Chorus] He still wants to ride He still wants to get there But the shouting and the shadows Are waiting everywhere There’s a light on the other side But every time he tries His feet carry him backward To the place he learned to hide So he stays And he stays And he stays [Bridge] Years can pass inside a corner When you’re frightened of the light You can call the darkness shelter You can call the hiding right You can learn to love the silence You can learn to need the walls You can spend your whole life waiting For the crowd to disappear But it never does. [Verse 5] So he stands up in the darkness with that ticket soft and worn Edges bent from all the nights he held it tightly till the morn He can barely read the letters, but he knows what they once said And somewhere past the midway That old ride is in his head One foot into the brightness Then another toward the sound Past the bottles, past the bruises Past the children looking down Past the places that still scare him Past the things he can’t undo And for once he doesn’t turn back Though his body tells him to [Final Chorus] He’s gonna ride He’s finally gonna get there Let the whole damn world Come screaming if it dares He’s been hiding half his life He’s been dying just to try So he holds that faded ticket And he walks into the light And he walks And he walks And he walks [Outro] Then the music sounds familiar. Same broken wooden sign. Same ticket booth. Same entrance line. Same mother screaming somewhere. Same lights above his head. He stops beneath the archway Where the painted letters read: WELCOME TO THE FAIR He looks down at the ticket Still trembling in his hand And realizes he’s standing Right back where he began. The ride is somewhere out there. He can hear it through the gate. So he takes one step inside again— and disappears into the noise.