Spokesdog

Lyrics

[Intro] Hey! Who left the sandwich on the counter? [Verse 1] My dog learned words on a Tuesday at noon He said, “Pass the gravy, and please change the tune” He knows seven curses, but won’t say them twice He calls every vacuum “the floor dragon device” [Pre-Chorus] He can spell his name, but he cannot spell “stay” He reads the mail and throws the bills away [Chorus] My dog can talk, and he’s got complaints He wants more snacks and fewer restraints He says, “That squirrel is suspicious to me” Then he burps and blames it on the TV My dog can talk, what a terrible shock He’s been writing a memoir called “Walkies at Six O’Clock” [Verse 2] He called the vet and canceled his shot Said, “I’m feeling fine, and your prices are not” He joined a book club, but he only chewed Chapter one of a mystery titled “Who Took My Food?” [Pre-Chorus] He gives bad advice in a very deep tone Like, “Never trust a cat with your garden gnome” [Chorus] My dog can talk, and he’s got complaints He wants more snacks and fewer restraints He says, “That squirrel is suspicious to me” Then he burps and blames it on the TV My dog can talk, what a terrible shock He’s been writing a memoir called “Walkies at Six O’Clock” [Bridge] I asked, “Why do you bark at the empty hall?” He said, “I’m not barking, I’m hosting a call” I asked, “Why’d you eat my brand-new shoe?” He said, “It looked lonely. What else could I do?” [Breakdown] Dog: “I have one final statement.” Me: “What is it?” Dog: “Open the cupboard.” Me: “Why?” Dog: “I forgot how to be mysterious.” [Final Chorus] My dog can talk, and he’s got demands He wants a steak and a tiny pair of pants He says, “Your singing is hurting my ears” Then asks for applause with his tail between cheers My dog can talk, now the secret is out He’s running for mayor with a treat-based platform My dog can talk, everybody applaud— He just said “sit” and ignored us all! [Outro] Good boy? “No. Spokesdog.”