Mirror‑Mask Mic Drop

Lyrics

[Intro] Mirror, mirror, tell the truth, Who’s the man wi’ the gobshite negative mooth? Slags everybody from morning till night, Then checks his reflection, “Aye... I’m alright.” [Verse 1] King of the decks, he’s running the show, Whatever you’re doing, he already knows. Chef brings the dinner, one look at the plate, “Food’s bloody shite!” before he’s even ate. That trade’s no good, that worker’s too slow, Everybody gets judged wherever they go. Photos and haircuts, the clothes that folk wear, Captain Commentary’s got an opinion to share. Everybody hears ye complain, thinking, “Mate, leave that poor guy alane,” Every little fault gets dragged through that same old negative brain. Somebody’s wife? “She’s a pig, she’s ugly,” gets thrown, Words can cut deeper than you ever have known. Easy to slag when you’re firing from the throne, But sometimes that patter cuts right to the bone. [Chorus] In the eyes of humour, behold the man, Perfect specimen, according to plan. Mirror, mirror on the wall, Who’s the perfect guy of all? King of the decks with the ultimate pecs, North Sea Adonis doing heavenly flex. Brad Pitt’s worried, Zeus looks perplexed, “Who let this handsome bastard onto the decks?” [Verse 2] Blondes and burds must be forming a queue, At least in the movie that’s playing for you. Everybody else is apparently full of shite, But the bloke in the mirror gets everything right. Olympus phones up, “We’ve a throne here, son!” “Hold on a minute, I’ve a horse in race one.” Sitting in the galley, glued to the phone, Checking the bookie while cutting folk to the bone. [Verse 3: Beetlejuice] Then you looked at my photo, had something to choose: “Your heed’s too wee for your body, like Beetlejuice!” There it is again, another expert review, Couldnae just say, “Looking fit, good on you.” In the eyes of humour, before judging the cut, Maybe glance at the mirror and inspect your own gut. Not quite Jabba the Hutt, we’ll give you your dues, But maybe retire from the physique reviews. 😂 [Verse 4: The Treadmill] Then the treadmill starts and the legs take flight, Twelve mile an hour, sprinting alright. Breathing gets heavy, lungs earning their pay, But Captain Perfection has something to say: “Listen to that breathing! What a bloody noise!” Apparently sprinting should be silent, boys. I’m hammering the treadmill, giving it all, He’s offended by oxygen from across the hall. [Hook] Mirror, mirror, tell the truth, Who’s the man wi’ the negative mooth? Chef’s food’s shite, my breathing’s loud, Still he walks the deck like he owns the crowd. In the eyes of humour, give the king his crown, If something’s going well, he’ll soon put it down. [Verse 5] Second name sounds like it rhymes with pickle, But that tongue can swing like a comedy sickle. This one’s useless, that one’s no good, He’d slag off sunshine for brightening his mood. Never a compliment without something attached, Captain Negative keeps the criticism stacked. [Breakdown] Then this song plays and we know what comes next: “Lyrics are shite! Who wrote this text?” “Beat’s too loud! That singer can’t sing!” Aye, cheers mate... we knew you’d find something. 😂 Even a song written purely for fun Gets a performance review before it is done. In the eyes of humour, you slag them all, But every wee comment can bounce off the wall. If everybody’s wrong in everything they do, Maybe that mirror’s trying to talk to you. [Final Chorus] Mirror, mirror on the wall, Who’s the perfect guy of all? King of the decks with Hollywood specs, Olympian dreams and imaginary pecs. Horses on the phone, opinions fully grown, Every wee comment cutting to the bone. But in the eyes of humour, we’ll give you your throne, Captain Perfection, ruler of the North Sea zone! [Final Verse: Reverse Psychology] Now mirror, mirror, have a wee word, mate, Maybe everybody else isn’t really that bad of late. If every chef’s useless and every trade’s wrong, Every wife’s ugly and every breath’s too strong, Every photograph has something wrong with the view, What if the common denominator... might just be you? No anger, no battle, just humour on the shelf, Sometimes the sharpest lesson is laughing at yourself. Because in the eyes of humour, when all is said and done, The man who can laugh at himself is usually the strongest one.