The Only Woman Who Knew How

Lyrics

[Verse 1] The calendar turned and I missed the warning Thirty-eight candles, Mom in the hall Pills in the pocket of yesterday’s hoodie Your number still painted above my call You said, “Get up, there’s a life outside this room” I said, “You’re cruel,” and locked the door You learned every version of my excuse I learned how to make you apologize more [Pre-Chorus] Three years you carried water To a house I wouldn’t leave You held the mirror steady I called the truth a disease [Chorus] Now you’re quiet, and I finally hear you No slammed door, no pleading through the wall You stopped trying to pull me toward daylight And I found out I was never standing tall I said you made me this way when I was cornered I said you’d leave, then begged you not to go Now the only woman who knew how to save me Is the woman I taught to let me go [Verse 2] We had a language made out of breaking Fight until sunrise, kiss and reset I’d swear on my mother, swear I was changing Then hide the proof beneath the bed You packed your patience into cardboard boxes Left your spare key beside the sink I watched your car disappear past the curtains And blamed the road for making you leave [Pre-Chorus] You asked me to grow older Not just add another year To stand on my own two feet To stop making love pay for fear [Chorus] Now you’re quiet, and I finally hear you No slammed door, no pleading through the wall You stopped trying to pull me toward daylight And I found out I was never standing tall I called your boundaries an act of betrayal Made your tears evidence that you were wrong Now the only woman who knew how to save me Has gone completely, painfully gone [Bridge] I miss the way you said my name Before it sounded like a warning I miss the coffee getting cold While you waited for a morning But missing you is not repentance And tears don’t make the damage clean I can’t turn your leaving into proof That you should have stayed with me [Final Chorus] You’re quiet, and I finally hear you Every promise breaking in the dark You stopped trying to pull me toward daylight Because I kept choosing where we’d start I’m still here in my mother’s basement With the same old lies lined up in a row But somewhere past the shame, I know this: You didn’t fail me when you let me go [Outro] If I ever become the man you begged for It won’t be a reason to return You gave me three years and your whole heart I gave you lessons I had to learn