Rain‑Roaring Road‑Surf Rag

Lyrics

It was Christmas time, we were heading down south, Rain coming down like a damn fire hose. Traffic was crawling, nobody could move, Then Melinda looked out the window… And gave us something to talk about. [Verse 1] We were stuck in traffic, rain coming down, Christmas party waiting somewhere out of town. Melinda's in the passenger seat, watching cars go by, When suddenly she spotted something that caught her eye. A car had surfboards strapped up on top, Rolling through the rain without making a stop. She looked at those boards, then looked at the sky, And here's what came out before she could think twice: [Chorus] “It's too wet to go surfing, Why do they have surfboards on their car?” I looked at her like, “Are you serious? Girl, have you thought this through so far?” I said, “They're going in the ocean, Where it's already wet as hell! Rain isn't gonna ruin surfing— They're getting soaked anyway!” Oh, Melinda… That was a blonde moment right there. You had the whole damn ocean And somehow forgot it was there! [Verse 2] She wasn't joking, she was dead serious, Like she'd uncovered some mystery. “Yeah, but it's raining really hard…” I said, “That's not helping your theory!” “You mean to tell me,” I said with a grin, “They're gonna get wet if they go swimming?” She looked out the window and thought for a while, Then gave me that classic, “Wait… what?” smile. I said, “They're already planning on getting wet, That's literally what the surfboards are for! They aren't taking them to the beach So they can keep the damn things dry!” [Chorus] “It's too wet to go surfing, Why do they have surfboards on their car?” I laughed so hard I damn near choked, She really took that thought too far. They're headed for the ocean, They're gonna get wet regardless, You don't need a weather forecast To tell you the fucking ocean's wet! Oh, Melinda… That was a blonde moment right there. You looked at a surfer in the rain And thought, “This seems unfair.” [Verse 3] Now every time it starts to rain, I know exactly what I'll say: “Better cancel all the swimming, It's too wet outside today!” Don't wash the damn dishes, It's too wet to use the sink. Don't take a shower either, You might get wet, just think! Don't go fishing in the rain, Don't step into the pool, And whatever you do, Melinda, Don't use common sense as a rule! [Bridge] She finally started laughing, Said, “Okay, okay, I get it.” But by then the damage was done— There was no way we'd forget it. One little sentence in the rain, One question from the passenger seat, And suddenly “Too Wet to Surf” Was our favorite joke of the week. [Final Chorus] “It's too wet to go surfing, Why do they have surfboards on their car?” Melinda, that's the funniest shit You've ever said by far. They're already going swimming, They're already gonna get wet, Rain isn't gonna scare a surfer— That much you can fucking bet! Oh, Melinda… Your blonde moment made our day. Christmas traffic, pouring rain, And you stole the show along the way. [Outro] So when the sky starts raining And somebody grabs a board, Don't ask why they're surfing— Just remember what you learned: If you're already going in the ocean… You're already gonna get wet. And Melinda learned that lesson On a Christmas road trip she won't forget.