Lyrics

Title: “Too Cool (But Actually, No)”
(Parody Rap of a Delusional Legend in Their Own Mind)
⸻
[Intro – Over Serious Beat]
Yeah…
It’s ya boy…
DJ Slightly Below Average.
We out here… wearin’ socks with sandals. Let’s GO.
⸻
[Verse 1]
Rollin’ up to the club on a scooter I rented
Security laughed, but I said “I meant it”
Tried to moonwalk, broke my back in the line
Now I’m flossin’ in a neck brace—lookin’ divine
My shades got one lens, my shirt’s inside out
Asked for sparkling water and they kicked me out
I do finger guns at strangers, wink with both eyes
You’d think I’m undercover—but I’m just that wise
⸻
[Hook – Sung like a God Complex Anthem]
I’m too cool for my own reflection
My swag’s got WiFi disconnection
Step aside, I invented cringe
Put “awkward” on the map—let me binge
⸻
[Verse 2]
I dabbed at a funeral, thought it was kind
Told a mime he was muted, blew his mind
I park in reverse ’cause I like the suspense
And my Tinder bio says “I fence” (I don’t.)
Gave a TED Talk on how to lose friends fast
Step one: Say “YOLO”… like it’s still 2010, blast!
I don’t follow trends—I chase them in Crocs
Did a trust fall solo and forgot the rocks
⸻
[Bridge – Hype Whisper]
Swag levels unstable… initiate… overcompensation.
“He wore a fedora… and meant it.”
“He clapped when the plane landed…”
“He put LOL in a job resume…”
⸻
[Hook – Bigger and Dumber]
I’m too cool, I might combust
Stylin’ hard in a hoodie made of crust
Call me cringe lord, I reign with cheese
Breaking social norms like I lost my keys
⸻
[Outro – Spoken, Emotional Piano Underneath]
I didn’t choose the cringe life…
It waved at me from across the street, tripped over a pigeon,
…and now we’re best friends.
Thank you.
Mic drop. But like, gently. It’s rented.