Dishwasher Divorce

Lyrics

[Verse 1] I came home early You came home late His hat was on my chair Like he paid rent and ate Your shoes by the doorway His shirt in the hall I said, "Well, that's one way To redecorate it all" You said, "It's not what it looks like" I said, "Baby, that's a lie" Then the cat just walked between us Like, "I'm not picking sides" [Pre-Chorus] You blinked, I laughed You cried, I clapped Not my proudest moment But it was so damn bad [Chorus] Best breakup ever Best breakup ever You broke my heart Then you broke the weather Best breakup ever Best breakup ever I lost my wife And found my sense of humor [Verse 2] I called your mama She said, "Boy, I knew" Then she asked if he had Fixed that faucet like I do You packed your heels I packed your grill You took the blender I kept the old window sill Now the sofa's empty But my phone won't stop Your girlfriends text me laughing At the chaos that you brought [Pre-Chorus] You said, "Please forgive me" I said, "Maybe next year" Then I tripped on your perfume And fell into a beer [Chorus] Best breakup ever Best breakup ever You broke my heart Then you broke the weather Best breakup ever Best breakup ever I lost my wife And found my sense of humor [Bridge] Your ring in a shoebox My pride in the trash The judge asked, "Any witnesses?" The dog said, "Flash" Now I wear that story Like a ridiculous crown You took the bedroom I took the whole damn town [Final Chorus] Best breakup ever Best breakup ever You broke my heart Then you broke the weather Best breakup ever Best breakup ever I lost my wife And found my sense of humor Best breakup ever Best breakup ever Your cheating got me laughing On the way to healing up