“The Star-Spangled Speedo”

Lyrics

Verse 1 I woke up on the Fourth of July, Had freedom shining in my eye, Pulled open my drawer, what did I see? A stars-and-stripes Speedo calling me. My neighbors waved, my dog barked twice, The mailman said, “Man, that’s a sight,” I fired up the grill and I stood up proud, Like Uncle Sam at a county fair crowd. Chorus ’Cause I wear the Star-Spangled Speedo, Red, white, blue from head to toe, Some folks wave flags, some drive a Jeep, I just let liberty hug me cheek to cheek. Grandma says, “Boy, put some pants on!” I say, “Grandma, this country’s strong!” You may not like what your eyes can see, But this Speedo screams democracy! Verse 2 Grandma nearly dropped her potato salad, Said, “This ain’t the way our founders planned it!” I said, “George Washington crossed Delaware, If he’d had this Speedo, he’d have worn it there.” The kids all laughed, the band played loud, Fireworks popping above the crowd, Grandma shook her head and rolled her eyes, Said, “Freedom doesn’t mean traumatize.” Chorus But I wear the Star-Spangled Speedo, Flying freedom wherever I go, Some folks salute with a hand on heart, I salute with questionable fashion art. Grandma says, “Boy, that’s enough!” I say, “Patriotism can be tough!” You may not like what your eyes can see, But this Speedo screams democracy! Bridge Now I’m not saying it’s constitutional, Or even particularly practical, But every nation needs a dream, And mine comes with an elastic seam. Final Chorus So I’ll wear the Star-Spangled Speedo, Marching proudly in the parade slow, Grandma’s praying for a wardrobe change, Says my definition of freedom’s strange. But we laugh, we eat, we watch fireworks glow, Even Grandma starts to smile a little though, She says, “I love America, that’s true…” “Just promise you’ll never buy a matching two-piece too!” Outro The rockets red glare lit up the sky, Grandma survived the Fourth of July, And somewhere an eagle shed a tear… Though honestly, it might’ve been from fear