Under Lock & Key

Lyrics

[Musical Introduction] [Verse 1] It started like a skeleton key Slipped through a door I couldn’t move One little turn and the noise went quiet One little lie that felt like truth It wasn’t dying, it was Tuesday It wasn’t hell, just a little too much But there in my hand was a way out of feeling And God, I mistook that for getting unstuck [Pre-Chorus] I thought I’d found the answer To a question passing through Never heard the tumblers shifting Never felt the door lock, too [Chorus] The key became the lock The cure became the clock Counting down the hours Till I could feel like I did not What used to take me higher Now just keeps me on my feet I don’t use it to escape now I use it just to breathe I held the key to freedom Till it turned and swallowed me Now the thing that let me out Keeps me under lock and key [Verse 2] First it made the bad days better Then it made the good days wait Then every ordinary morning Started showing up too late The miracle became maintenance The rush became relief I wasn’t chasing heaven anymore Just bargaining with grief I learned the math of almost normal How much, how long, how soon How to keep the walls from shaking How to make it through the room And no one sees a prison When the bars are in your blood You can swear you’re still deciding While your body’s calling up the judge [Pre-Chorus] I thought I was the keeper I thought it came when called Never saw myself get smaller Never saw it take it all [Chorus] The key became the lock The cure became the clock Counting down the hours Till I could feel like I did not What used to take me higher Now just keeps me on my feet I don’t use it to escape now I use it just to breathe I held the key to freedom Till it turned and swallowed me Now the thing that let me out Keeps me under lock and key [Verse 3] There are pictures where I’m smiling There are years I can’t recall There are people who kept knocking While I swore there was no wall I said, “I need it for the pressure” Then, “I need it for the pain” Then I needed it to stop the hurt That needing it had made And every promise had conditions Every line moved overnight “I can quit whenever I want to” Became, “Just get me through tonight” I kept waiting for the bottom Like the bottom makes a sound But sometimes there is no collision You just wake up underground [Bridge] Nobody tells you when it happens There’s no click beneath the skin No alarm when what you’re taking Starts deciding when you take it again No ceremony for the moment When the rescue turns to rule When the hand that picked the lock Finds the chain has picked you [Breakdown] I remember when I chose it I don’t know when it chose me I remember needing less hurt I don’t remember needing need I remember one door opening Like mercy finding me I never heard it close behind me I never saw it steal the key [Final Chorus] The key became the lock The cure became the clock Counting every second That my body says I’ve lost What used to make me fearless Now just keeps away the fear I don’t take it to feel good now I take it to stay here I held the key to freedom Till it turned inside of me Now the thing that let me out Keeps me under lock and key The key became the lock The want became the need The door I used to run through Is the door that won’t release But somewhere past the shaking Past the lies I still believe There’s a hand outside this prison Saying, “Give the lock to Me” [Outro] It started like a skeleton key A little mercy, temporary Now every morning asks the same thing: Who holds who— The key or me?