Paint it Black

Lyrics

I saw a working lab, I had to paint it black, No QC anymore, I want the staff to slack. The Levey-Jennings charts all drifting off the scale, Just wave the samples through and hope they'll never fail. I see the calibrations flashing red all day, "Reject?" the analyser asks... I click "OK". The duty biochem's calling, asking what went wrong, I mute the phone and whistle some completely different song. I want the BRFs all jammed from one to five, Infinity in chaos somehow still alive. The AOB is screaming, racks are everywhere, But someone's making tea because "it's only air." No Westgard rules today, they're far too much to read, Just validate it quickly, we've all got things we need. The SD Index climbs so high it waves goodbye, We'll blame the reagent lot and never question why. The bile acids sawtooth? That's "perfectly alright." Three calibrations later... now it's shifted right. The Line 3 masking's gone, the samples flood the queue, Someone asks for patient reruns... "Nah, that'll do." I watched the CSSB descend into the night, Where every SOP is filed but out of sight. The competency folders gather dust for years, While UKAS slowly sheds a quiet little tear. So if you find a lab that's running smooth and fast, Be careful who you tell, it never seems to last. Because I saw a good lab standing proud and stacked... And all I wanted then... was to paint it black.