Calendar Man

An original comedic animated musical theatre song with fast-paced ensemble vocals, exaggerated character voices, over-the-top humour, theatrical dialogue between verses, bouncy piano, brass, playful strings, cartoon energy, frequent key changes, dramatic pauses, call-and-response choruses, and a grand finale. The style should feel like an irreverent adult animated comedy musical, with witty lyrics, expressive performances, and escalating absurdity. Multiple character voices including Peter Reed, James Westgaurd (the Ancient Sage of QC), LCL (a smooth-talking bureaucratic demon), and a frustrated laboratory staff ensemble. Constant back-and-forth dialogue, theatrical pauses, and huge singalong choruses. Every verse becomes more ridiculous than the last, ending in complete bureaucratic chaos.

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Lyrics

We're validating, calibrating, Everything is running fine. QC's behaving, Coffee's saving, Life is simply quite divine! I've had an idea! Oh no... A really, really good one! NOT AGAIN! Peter... Peter... One more meeting couldn't hurt... You're right! We'll make a group To plan a group To see if groups still work! We'll hold discussions On discussions, That's leadership at work! No it isn't! Peter... Remember why you came. Quality first. Paperwork second. He's got a point... Counter offer... Unlimited flexible working... Unlimited flexible working?! NO!! Meeting after meeting after meeting after tea! Calendar's so full there's nowhere left to be! Policies on policies, Committees by the score, Nobody remembers What we're meeting for! Young Peter... Look upon this sacred QC chart. The Westgard Rules have guided us for years. Do not stray from the path. It's beautiful... Or... Hear me out... A pre-meeting... To discuss... The meeting... Before... The meeting... GENIUS!! NOOOOOOO!! We've got workshops for the workshops! Reviews before reviews! Strategic planning sessions For deciding if we choose! PowerPoints! Action logs! Flowcharts by the mile! Nobody has validated Anything in quite a while! Peter! The analysers cry! The QC waits! The samples pile high! I'll schedule... Some protected time... To discuss... Scheduling... He's learning! Somebody stop him! Peter... The laboratory doesn't need fewer meetings... It needs... A Meeting Improvement Steering Committee! PROMOTE THAT MAN!! Fight it! Remember your training! Remember the QC! Remember why you became a leader! I... I can still save this... Can you? I've also prepared... A consultation... On whether... We should consult... Before consultations... That's... magnificent... Meeting after meeting after meeting every day! The calendar has eaten all the work away! James still waves his QC chart, Trying to save the lab, While LCL keeps laughing loud... Book another Teams call, lads! Attention everyone! From today... Every meeting... Must begin... With a pre-meeting... Followed by... A post-meeting review... Then a reflection meeting... To evaluate... Whether the meetings... Were meeting... Our meeting objectives! NOOOOOOOOOOO!! There is still hope... Not anymore... Now... Who's available for a two-hour discussion about reducing meetings? FOR THE LOVE OF QC... SOMEBODY TAKE HIS CALENDAR AWAY!

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