Nan Is Stuck in the Loo

Lyrics

[Verse 1] Nan took a magazine and shut the bathroom door Said, “I’ll only be a minute,” then we heard the floorboards roar The kettle boiled twice, the cat began to stare And someone slid a biscuit underneath to show we cared [Pre-Chorus] We called through the keyhole, “Nan, are you all right?” She said, “I’m perfectly fine, dear—just give me time tonight!” [Chorus] My nan is stuck in the loo She’s got one slipper and a tube of shampoo We’ve tried the handle, we’ve tried the chair She says, “Stop fussing, I’m arranging my hair!” My nan is stuck in the loo Still giving household instructions too “Feed the budgie, mind the stew— And tell your grandad I’m not speaking to you!” [Verse 2] The plumber brought a toolbox, the neighbour brought a crowbar Nan shouted, “No one breaks that door—I know exactly where you are!” She asked for tea with lemon and a crossword from the hall Then proudly announced she’d found the answer: “Seven letters, wall!” [Pre-Chorus] We called through the keyhole, “Nan, shall we call the crew?” She said, “I’m busy at the moment, dear; I’m watching episode two!” [Chorus] My nan is stuck in the loo She’s got one slipper and a tube of shampoo We’ve tried the handle, we’ve tried the chair She says, “Stop fussing, I’m arranging my hair!” My nan is stuck in the loo Still giving household instructions too “Feed the budgie, mind the stew— And tell your grandad I’m not speaking to you!” [Bridge] At last came a click, then a triumphant cheer Nan stepped out backwards like a queen of the year She dusted off her cardigan, adjusted her shoe And said, “That was nothing. Who wants a cup of brew?” [Final Chorus] My nan was stuck in the loo But she came out with a fresh point of view She blamed the latch, the weather, and the glue Then booked the bathroom for a quarter past two My nan was stuck in the loo Now there’s a waiting list forming too If you need her, leave a note by the shoe— She’s in there again, and she’s humming a tune! [Outro] Nan, are you coming out? “Put the kettle on first!”