Pipe Fails and Pay Calls

Lyrics

[Intro] Business of the Year nominees? A couple incompetent fucks? Bitch, please. Somebody check the nomination form— I think they put “comedy” under plumbing and heating. [Verse 1] Business of the Year? Man, they lowering the bar, Wouldn't even call the workmanship remotely sub-par. Pretending to be stand-up guys, what a beautiful disguise, Fuckin' up the houses then standing tall supporting lies. Losers on every level, professionalism missing, Ask 'em for a simple task, somehow needs adult supervision. Show up dishevelled, leave the homeowner suspicious, Every finished job comes with a future demolition. Wish the people had some foresight, get the damn thing done right, 'Cause you only see the problems when the bill comes into sight. Twenty-twenty vision would've saved another call, Funny how the clearest view comes after watching standards fall. [Hook] They move like molasses, hauling barrels for asses, Big talk, little talent, somehow still collecting passes. Business of the Year? Somebody tell me who's judging, 'Cause the pipes ain't the only fucking thing around here that's plugging. Should've called somebody better, Better hope that fitting holds together. Better pray before they wrench it— Every service call comes with a sequel and an extension. [Verse 2] Heating and plumbing? More like guessing and hoping, Turn the water back on, now the drywall's fucking soaking. Call it job security—they leave something broke, Then return a week later like, “Well, that's strange, folks.” Two bosses built like barrels rolling straight toward disaster, Moving slow as cold syrup but the invoices come faster. Got the confidence of craftsmen with the execution backwards, If competence was pressure, wouldn't register on gauges. Copper getting nervous when they walk into the room, PEX starts praying, fittings sense impending doom. Every wrench in the truck deserves hazard-pay provisions, Whole operation screaming, “Needs adult supervision.” [Bridge] Measure once, cut twice, Fuck it up, charge thrice. Call yourself professionals? That's generous advice. Twenty-twenty looking back, should've known the fucking deal, When the callback lasts longer than the repair on the bill. [Final Hook] They move like molasses, hauling barrels for asses, Leaving callbacks behind 'em like a trail through the grasses. Business of the Year? Better raise that fucking bar, Participation trophies shouldn't travel this far. Pretending to be stand-up guys while supporting lies, Cheap little halos don't make shitty workmanship shine. Wish everybody had some foresight before signing that line— 'Cause sometimes knowing better only comes the second time. [Outro] Business of the Year nominees? Jesus Christ. If that's the competition, somebody nominate the fucking homeowner.