Somewhere Outside Myself

Lyrics

[VERSE 1] My heart’s been running circles My mind won’t let me sleep Every little feeling Cuts a little too deep Everybody’s voices Are crashing in my head I’m trying to stay present But I’m somewhere else instead My hands are right in front of me But they don’t feel like mine The room is getting farther Like I’m slipping out of time I know that I should feel this I know I should react But something in me hit the switch And everything went black [PRE-CHORUS] It wasn’t that I stopped caring I think I cared too much My body pulled the curtains When everything became too much [CHORUS] So I disappear without leaving I’m breathing, but barely believing That this body in the mirror is me Everything’s blurry, everything’s distant I hear you talking, but I’m not listening I’m somewhere floating outside of me Too much fear, too much noise Too many feelings with nowhere to go So my mind turns down the volume Till I can’t feel anything at all I didn’t choose to go numb I just couldn’t carry it all [VERSE 2] Anxiety was screaming Till suddenly it stopped Not because I found some peace But because my system locked There’s a strange kind of silence When your emotions disappear You’d think that numb would feel like freedom But numb can feel like fear I watch myself keep moving Like a movie on a screen Smiling when I’m supposed to Playing someone who looks like me I answer every question Say, “Yeah, I’m doing fine” While I’m reaching through the distance Trying to get back inside [PRE-CHORUS] It wasn’t that I felt nothing There was too much underneath So my mind built walls around me Just to give my heart relief [CHORUS] So I disappear without leaving I’m breathing, but barely believing That this body in the mirror is me Everything’s blurry, everything’s distant I hear you talking, but I’m not listening I’m somewhere floating outside of me Too much fear, too much noise Too many feelings with nowhere to go So my mind turns down the volume Till I can’t feel anything at all I didn’t choose to go numb I just couldn’t carry it all [BRIDGE] Please don’t ask me why I’m quiet I don’t know how to explain How you can drown inside emotions Then suddenly feel no pain How the world can keep on moving While you’re frozen where you stand How you can look completely normal While you’re trying to come back again And maybe I don’t need fixing Maybe I just need somewhere safe Someone who won’t demand an answer Someone who can simply stay Till the room becomes familiar Till my body feels like home Till the static starts to soften And I know I’m not alone [FINAL CHORUS] Sometimes I disappear without leaving Still breathing, slowly believing That I’ll find my way back into me The world is blurry, everything’s distant But somewhere underneath the silence There’s still a heartbeat reaching for me Too much fear, too much noise Too many feelings with nowhere to go So my mind turned down the volume Because it was the only way it knew I didn’t stop having feelings I was overwhelmed right through [OUTRO] So if I stare right through you If my voice sounds far away I’m not cold, and I’m not empty I’m just trying to feel safe I’m somewhere outside myself right now… Trying to find my way back.