Chester

Lyrics

(Verse 1) Out on the prairie where the tumbleweeds roll, I was a lonely cowboy with a saddle-worn soul. Then I bought a horse named Chester, strongest in the state, Though he had a funny habit that I learned a little late. Every morning I’d awaken and I’d remember hearing a voice “You should fix that fence, partner. Also learn to bake a pie.” There were comments on my wardrobe, critiques of my mustache, And suggestions for investments that would double all my cash. (Chorus) I believe My horse only talks when I’m asleep, Not a whisper when I’m not counting sheep. All night long he’s a chatterbox, By daylight he’s as mute as rocks. Folks all think I’ve lost my mind, ‘Cause no one hears the horse opine. I believe My horse only talks when I’m asleep, And the secrets that he tells run deep. (Verse 2) I know I hear voices at night am I going mad? I can’t ask Chester so I best ask folks is that sad? I asked the town veterinarian, I asked the county judge, I asked a traveling magician who had a little grudge They all said, “Son, you’re dreaming. Ghostly voices don’t exist, what’s next your horse .” Then Chester rolled his eyes at them and waited of course. Each morning there’d be evidence that something wasn’t right. A chessboard fully set up that I swear wasn’t there at night. Someone had written poetry and signed it with the mark of a hoof, One sonnet rhymed “oregano” with “waterproof.” (Chorus) I believe My horse only talks when I’m asleep, Not a peep when the sun’s at its peak. By moonlight he’s a philosopher king, By sunrise he won’t say a thing. He critiques my life, my boots, my hat, my living ways Then spends all day pretending as he neighs I believe My horse only talks when I’m asleep, And one night I will attempt to peep. (Bridge) One night I heard, “Your singing stinks.” I said, “That’s rude.” the mystery voice said, “Who thinks?” The voice taught me poker strategy and how to salsa dance, Explained the stars, discussed fine art, and modern crop finance. Then one evening I got suspicious of this nightly debate, So I hatched myself a clever little sneaky cowboy bait. I climbed into my bedroll and began to loudly snore, The kind that sounds like someone wrestling a chainsaw on the floor. (Verse 3) Sure enough, I heard Chester say, “At last, the fool’s unconscious. Now let’s discuss the meaning of existence, if we’re honest. Also, his chili recipe is frankly quite a crime. And why’s he still wearing those pants from 1849?” I cracked one eye and held my breath and listened to him gripe, As he criticized my harmonica and questioned my horse type. Then Chester said, “The poor guy means well, despite his many flaws. He’s loyal, brave, and kind of smart… for someone who eats straw.” (Final Chorus) My horse was talking while I was “asleep,” But this time I was faking it deep. I jumped up shouting, “Gotcha now horse” He nearly fell right out of his hooves with the g-force! He froze and stared, I stared right back, A silence settled down the track. Then Chester sighed and shook his head, “Well, since you’re awake…” And this is what he said: (Outro) “Thank goodness. I’ve been trying for years. Do you know how exhausting it is waiting for you to fall asleep every time I want a conversation?” Then he added, “Also, seriously—those pants have got to go.” Yee-haw