Kevin Wants The Sting

Lyrics

[Verse 1] Kevin wakes up with a thundercloud grin Tells the whole breakfast crowd, “Don’t let me in” He’s staring at Godzilla’s impossible thighs While a dry glass sits untouched by his side A small little waiter reaches for the check Small little nuts in a paper sack by his neck Kevin points at the room like a king in a fight “Everybody back off, I’m busy tonight” [Chorus] Fuck off, fuck off, Kevin’s got a proclamation Fuck off, fuck off, welcome to the celebration He turned twenty-one and kicked down the door Found a bottle, then he found four more Fuck off, fuck off, hear the whole room sing Kevin won’t drink water—Kevin wants the sting [Verse 2] Right when the candles hit twenty-one He said, “I’m grown now, watch me ruin the fun” The little waiter ducked under the table twice The little nuts rolled off like a bad piece of advice Godzilla on the screen, Kevin locked in place A strange devotion written all over his face His friends said, “Slow down,” he said, “Get in line” Then he poured another year into the glass of wine [Chorus] Fuck off, fuck off, Kevin’s got a proclamation Fuck off, fuck off, welcome to the celebration He turned twenty-one and kicked down the door Found a bottle, then he found four more Fuck off, fuck off, hear the whole room sing Kevin won’t drink water—Kevin wants the sting [Bridge] No water in the pitcher, no brakes in the car He mistook a warning sign for a brand-new bar The waiter whispered, “Kevin, maybe call it a night” Kevin raised his glass and vanished from sight [Final Chorus] Fuck off, fuck off, now the room is still Fuck off, fuck off, empty cup on the sill He turned twenty-one, then he chased the flame Alcohol took the joke and swallowed up the name Fuck off, fuck off, that’s the last refrain Kevin’s gone quiet underneath the pouring rain [Outro] Small little waiter sweeps the floor clean Small little nuts where the laughter had been Godzilla’s still stomping across the TV screen And Kevin’s just a warning in a cheap magazine