Vodka Made Me Do It

Lyrics

[Verse 1] I was only buying milk Maybe some bread That’s it Then I saw you on the shelf Crystal smile Frosty lips Said “I’ll just take one small sip” Next frame—I’m doing splits On a table at my cousin’s Singing ballads to the chips [Chorus] Blame it on the vodka Vodka made me do it (hey!) I was shy at 8 p.m Now I’m fluent (so fluent) Told my ex I miss their dog Not them I swear it’s true If I texted you last night Yeah The vodka texted you [Verse 2] Ordered something “light and sweet” Bartender just raised his brow Next thing in my timid hand Clear courage Going down I proposed to a houseplant Called my Uber “Dad” Tipped the lamp Hugged the fridge Said “You’re all I’ve ever had” (I love you) [Chorus] Blame it on the vodka Vodka made me do it (oh!) Turned my little “maybe” to “let’s screw it” (let’s go) Tried to dance a viral dance I clearly never knew If you saw me on your feed Yeah The vodka posted you [Bridge] Tomorrow morning detective work Piecing clues from every clue Why’s there glitter in the bathtub? Why’s there ketchup on my shoe? Check my messages I cringe Who wrote this novel at 2? Same old story Same old twist— It prints your name Signs mine with “zsdjffu” [Chorus] Blame it on the vodka Vodka made me do it (hey!) I was quiet Now I’m public and I blew it (oh no) Booked a flight to someplace I can’t even spell or view If I promised “new beginnings” That was vodka talking too [Outro] So here’s my final statement Before the next round hits Vodka’s like that wild friend You love But shouldn’t babysit Raise a glass Be half as brave Twice as smart It’s true Let the water drive you home Let the vodka stay with you (on mute)