Someone Died in There

Lyrics

[Verse 1] I took a dump in the bathroom, now the whole place stanks The mirror fogged up sideways and the toilet gives no thanks There’s a towel on the floor, there’s a rattle in the pipe And somebody keeps knocking though I checked it twice tonight [Pre-Chorus] I said, “Who’s in there?” The faucet answered, “Run!” I grabbed the plunger like a sheriff with a gun [Chorus] Someone died in there, I swear it’s true A cold breeze climbed right up my shoe The soap dispenser laughed, the ceiling fan cried I’m not saying it’s haunted—but something’s inside Someone died in there, oh what a scare The bathroom smells like a cursed county fair I’m holding my breath, I’m backing away Call the ghost department—tell them I’m not okay [Verse 2] The bath mat moved an inch, then the shower curtain twitched A shampoo bottle whispered, “You really should have switched” The plunger took a bow, the drain began to sing Then a tiny ghostly voice said, “Flush the dang thing!” [Pre-Chorus] I said, “Show yourself!” The toilet lid went slam A ghostly hand emerged and gave me a thumbs-down hand [Chorus] Someone died in there, I swear it’s true A cold breeze climbed right up my shoe The soap dispenser laughed, the ceiling fan cried I’m not saying it’s haunted—but something’s inside Someone died in there, oh what a scare The bathroom smells like a cursed county fair I’m holding my breath, I’m backing away Call the ghost department—tell them I’m not okay [Bridge] Then my roommate yelled from down the hall, “That’s not a ghost, you fool!” “It’s the old drain trap needing work— And you forgot to use the stool!” The knocking was the radiator, The hand was just a glove, The smell was my responsibility, And the ghost had had enough! [Final Chorus] Nobody died in there, I finally know It was plumbing, bad choices, and a terrible flow The soap stopped laughing, the ceiling fan sighed I opened the window and swallowed my pride Nobody died in there, but let’s be fair Something tragic happened to the atmosphere I’m holding my nose, I’m scrubbing the tile The bathroom is innocent—for maybe a while [Outro] Flush it, fan it, open the door If it starts knocking, don’t investigate anymore