Back From the Edge

Lyrics

[Intro] Yeah I remember Every night felt Like the last night [Verse 1] I woke up on the bathroom floor Face stuck to the tile, throat sore Hands shaking like they’d just seen war Phone full of missed calls I ignore Mama left a message, said she prayin' for me Dealer left a message, said he waitin' on me Ex left a message, said she done, she sorry I left a message in the mirror sayin' "who gon' save me?" Caps in the sink, whole script gone Teeth feel loose, heart skip, then it's on I keep tellin' everybody that I'm strong But the pills keep tellin' my brain that it's wrong Every argument, I blame stress, then I chase it Blurry little bottle like a bracelet, I face it Chew another tablet just to taste it, I wasted Days, weeks, years, can't replace it Doctor said I need to slow down But he the one that wrote it, so how I throw it out now? Therapist talk, but the talk feel cheap When the craving creep in and my skin don't sleep So I double up the dose just to level out the lows Told myself I got control, but the spiral only grows Friends fall back when they see the black holes In my eyes where the light once glowed Crash on the couch with the blinds all shut Who is that in the glass with the sunken gut? Mouth all dry, feel my lungs give up But I line that lie like "one more, then I'm done" [Chorus] I was this close to the edge, one step from the fall Hands round my neck, couldn't breathe at all But I broke that chain, had to crawl through the pain Just to stand in the rain, let it wash my shame Now I'm back from the edge, back from the dead Every scar on my skin is a word I said To the ghost in the glass, "you ain't takin' me yet" I got one more breath, I ain't finished here yet (nah) [Verse 2] They said "just quit," like it's easy as a switch Like I ain't built my whole life round this itch Like my brain ain't wired like live wires Every thought on fire, every fear choir Wake up drenched, heart slam in my chest Room spin, sweat drip, can't catch my breath Panic on a loop like a bad cassette Mind rerun every loss, every debt Hospital wristband, night in the ward Fluorescent buzz and a locked steel door Nurse with a look like she seen this before Said "you can check out, but it lives in your core" Therapist ask why I chase that ghost Why I pour that poison when I know that dose Might close my throat, freeze my pulse I say "quiet is scary, so I drown my thoughts" 'Cause sober me gotta sit with the real All the guilt I built, all the hurt I deal All the times I lied, all the trust I steal All the nights I cried tryna act like steel So I dig down deep, rage turn prayer Screamed at the ceiling like "you even there?" If you are, then prove it, I'm losing air Yank me out this grave or just leave me here Then my sister call, voice thin, half broke (hey) Said "we packed your stuff, we done with the smoke But if you choose life, we gon' hold that rope Just don't let go, don't choke that hope" That hit my chest harder than a crash Harder than a charge, harder than the past Packed one bag, threw the rest in the trash Checked into a room where they lock up your stash First three days, I shook like a storm Every cell in my body yell "reform" Nightmares crawl, every demon I fed Sat at the edge of my hospital bed But for the first damn time, I ain't run, I stayed I looked them in the eye like