Old me

Lyrics

I HATE THE OLD ME [Acoustic guitar only — slow, steady 4/4] Verse 1 Down in Grand Bay, Alabama There’s a boy I used to be Running from the man inside me Running from my family Daddy never looked at me Like he looked at them I spent my whole life wondering What was wrong with him I found something in them drugs That made me feel alright For a little while I couldn’t feel The hurt I held inside Then I’d wake up hating me And wishing I could change Another day, another lie Another dose of shame Bridge 1 I remember those nights I just disappeared While the ones who loved me Were praying I was still here Chorus I hate the old me God, I hate that guy He was running from his pain Just trying to survive I hate the old me But I’m still standing here I can’t change what I did But I can change who I am from here Verse 2 Then Father’s Day came And the whole world stopped I lost my brother that day And something in me dropped They told me, “You gotta be strong” But nobody knew what that meant How do you bury your brother When your own heart’s already bent? I’d give anything tonight For one more sound of his voice One more laugh, one more goodbye One more chance, one more choice Bridge 2 Every Father’s Day Feels a little different now There’s an empty place beside me And I don’t know how To make the missing disappear So I carry it instead Some people live in memories Some live inside your chest Chorus I hate the old me God, I hate that guy He was running from his pain Just trying to survive I hate the old me But I’m still standing here I can’t change what I did But I can change who I am from here Bridge 3 — quiet Daddy, I spent years asking Why you treated me that way Why your love felt different At the end of every day I watched you love my siblings And wondered what I lacked So I learned to hide my hurt Instead of looking back Bridge 4 I found love in wrong places Found friends who weren’t my friends Found a little peace in drugs That always had a bitter end I wasn’t trying to die I just wanted not to feel That’s the hardest truth I’ve ever had to deal Verse 3 Grand Bay knows my story Those backroads know my name I drove around with all that hurt And hid behind the shame My family kept on praying While I kept running wild Every time I said, “I’m good” I was lying like a child Bridge 5 — building I’m sorry for the phone calls I never answered back Sorry for the promises I never kept intact Sorry for the nights You wondered where I’d been Sorry I kept choosing drugs Instead of letting you in Bridge 6 — emotional My brother ain’t coming back No matter how I pray Daddy can’t give me back All those years I threw away I can’t undo those nights Can’t erase the things I’ve done But I can save the man I am From becoming who I’d been Final Chorus I hate the old me But I understand him now He was just a broken kid Who didn’t know how I hate the old me But I won’t let him win I’ll carry all his scars But I won’t become him again For my brother, for my family For the people I still got For that little boy inside me Who just wanted to be loved I hate the old me But I’m not that man today I’m still here, I’m still breathing And I’m finally finding my way Bridge 7 — stripped down If Heaven’s got a window I hope my brother sees I’m trying to be the man He’d be proud of me to be And Daddy, if you ever wondered Why I turned out so cold I spent my whole life trying To prove that I was worth being loved Bridge 8 — final So when that old me comes knocking I’ll look him in the eyes Say, “You made it through the darkness But you don’t have to live that life.” Outro Grand Bay’s still the same But I ain’t who I was Father’s Day still hurts But I carry what it does I still miss my brother Every single day And I still hate the old me But I’m finally walking away [Let the final acoustic chord ring]