I Make the Rules

歌詞

[Verse 1] I said, “Who chewed the slipper?” You said, “Define ‘chewed.’” Then you sat beside the evidence, looking pleased and proud. You barked at the vacuum like a sheriff at a train, Then asked me for a biscuit with a lawyer’s little gaze. [Chorus] I’m the dog, I make the rules, You may fetch, but don’t get fooled. That’s my chair, that’s my roast, And I’m the one who pays the most— In hair, all over everything! [Verse 2] You learned to say “outside” when the mailman came around, And “treat” when I was whispering, barely making sound. You told the cat, “The rent is due,” then stole her sunny spot, Now she’s moved into the laundry room and says she likes it not. [Chorus] I’m the dog, I make the rules, You may fetch, but don’t get fooled. That’s my chair, that’s my roast, And I’m the one who pays the most— In hair, all over everything! [Bridge] You said, “Please don’t beg at dinner.” I said, “I’m not begging, pal. I’m conducting a full safety check on every plate and bowl.” You said, “That’s my sandwich.” I said, “A bold claim, to be sure.” Then I took it very carefully— For evidence. Of course. [Final Chorus] I’m the dog, I make the rules, You may fetch, but don’t get fooled. That’s my bed, that’s my toast, I’m the boss from tail to nose— And I’ll allow you one small walk. [Outro] Bring the leash. And the sandwich.