My Talking Dog

Lyrics

[Intro] (Upbeat acoustic guitar strumming, dog panting) (Spoken, high-pitched dog voice): "Hey. Hey. You gonna eat that? No? Cool." [Verse 1] I used to think my dog was just a regular pup Until the day he looked at me and actually spoke up I asked him if he wanted to go running in the park He cleared his throat and said, "My friend, let's have a serious talk." He said, "The kibble that you buy me tastes like cardboard in a bowl, And chasing after tennis balls is draining to my soul." [Chorus] Oh, my talking dog has got too much to say! He’s critiquing my life choices every single day. "That outfit doesn't match," and "You should really wash your hair," I miss the simple days when he just slobbered on the chair! [Verse 2] He sits upon the sofa with a cup of herbal tea Explaining quantum physics and organic chemistry He says the cat’s a slacker and the mailman has no style And then he asks to borrow my computer for a while "I'm writing my memoir," he says, "It's called 'The Leash of Life,' I've got a three-book deal and I am looking for a wife." [Chorus] Oh, my talking dog has got too much to say! He’s critiquing my life choices every single day. "That outfit doesn't match," and "You should really wash your hair," I miss the simple days when he just slobbered on the chair! [Bridge] I begged him, "Please, just bark a bit, or chase a squirrel or two!" He sighed and said, "How basic, I have better things to do. Now could you change the channel? This documentary is dry. And by the way, those treats you bought? I'd rather starve than try." [Guitar Solo] (Upbeat, bouncy country-rock style) [Chorus] Oh, my talking dog has got too much to say! He’s critiquing my life choices every single day. "That outfit doesn't match," and "You should really wash your hair," I miss the simple days when he just slobbered on the chair! [Outro] (Music slows down, acoustic guitar fades) (Spoken, dog voice): "Seriously though, we need to talk about your budget. More steak, less tax preparation. Alright, scratch my ears. Left side. Perfect." (Dog panting, tail wagging sounds, fade out)