All in After Dark

Lyrics

[Verse 1] Jenna, get your ass over here, We’re having a wholesome little night— Cards, a movie, snacks, pajamas, Absolutely nothing morally questionable in sight. Jed’s shuffling cards like he’s innocent, Nic’s pouring drinks like she believes him, And Jenna, if you walk through that front door We all know damn well nobody’s leaving. Bring your attitude, bring your pajamas, Bring whatever shirt causes problems, Bring that “Who, me?” little face you make Right before becoming ninety percent of them. [Pre-Chorus] We said “game night.” We meant cards. Probably. There will be hands on the table, Eyes on the prize, And several terrible decisions Disguised as “good vibes.” [Chorus] Come play with us tonight, Jenna, We’re ready to deal you in. We can start with Texas Hold ’Em— The jokes basically write themselves from then. We’ll shuffle, cut, raise the stakes, See who folds and who goes all in. Nic says, “Can everybody act normal?” And Jed and Jenna immediately start grinning. Come play with us tonight, It’s classy, mature, sophisticated fun. Until somebody says “nice hand” And suddenly maturity is completely done. [Verse 2] We’ll put on some dramatic movie Nobody intends to understand, Because the plot gets real confusing When Jenna keeps distracting the man. Nic says, “Eyes up here, sir.” Jenna nearly spits out her drink. Jed says, “I wasn’t even looking.” Sure, buddy. Whatever helps you sleep. Then somebody brings out poker chips, Somebody says, “What are we betting?” There’s a three-second silence That becomes deeply concerning. “No money,” says Nic. “Fine,” Jenna replies. Jed looks between both women Like he’s just watched his life flash before his eyes. [Chorus] Come play with us tonight, Jenna, We’re ready to deal you in. We can start with Texas Hold ’Em— The jokes basically write themselves from then. We’ll shuffle, cut, raise the stakes, See who folds and who goes all in. Nic says, “Can everybody act normal?” And Jed and Jenna immediately start grinning. Come play with us tonight, It’s classy, mature, sophisticated fun. Until somebody says “nice hand” And suddenly maturity is completely done. [Verse 3] By ten o’clock the cards are crooked, By eleven nobody knows the score, By midnight somebody’s yelling, “WHY ARE THERE THREE PILLOWS ON THE FLOOR?” The movie has played forty minutes, We’ve watched approximately nine, Because apparently three adults flirting Destroys everybody’s attention span. Jenna steals Nic’s blanket, Nic steals Jenna’s pillow, Jed tries quietly minding his business While sitting directly in the middle. “Move over.” “There’s no room.” “There was room five minutes ago.” “Well, something changed.” Nobody asks what. We are all cowards. [Bridge] Maybe there’s a kiss for winning, Maybe one for losing too, Maybe that makes absolutely no sense— But somehow everybody approves. Maybe Jenna says, “One more hand.” Nic says, “That’s what you said an hour ago.” Jed nearly chokes on his drink Because apparently nobody can phrase anything normally anymore. Hands. Pairs. Straights. Full houses. This game has entirely too much vocabulary For three people with dirty minds. And whoever invented the phrase “Going all in” Knew exactly what they were doing. [Breakdown] Dealer’s choice. Bad idea. Jenna’s choice. Worse idea. Nic’s choice. Jed should probably start praying. [Verse 4] Then somebody orders pizza At an offensively late hour, And everybody suddenly acts normal When the doorbell kills the power. Delivery guy sees three adults Looking suspiciously amused, Hands over the pepperoni And decides he does not want clues. Door shuts. Silence. Jenna says, “So… where were we?” Jed drops his head. Nic loses it laughing. And game night officially files For legal separation from dignity. [Final Chorus] Come play with us tonight, Jenna, Come bring your chaos through the door. We’ve got cards and snacks and movies And extremely questionable metaphors. Come raise the stakes, steal the blanket, Sit wherever causes maximum sin— Metaphorical sin, calm down— And tell Jed you’re ready to go all in. Come play with us tonight, Where nobody keeps a straight face. The cards might stay on the table, But dignity is leaving this place. No jealousy, no drama, Just laughs, affection, and crime-level flirting. Three adults behaving terribly While technically hurting nobody. [Outro] So Jenna… Come for cards. Stay for the movie. Ignore the fact That nobody picked a movie. Bring pajamas. Bring snacks. Bring your poker face. Actually— Don’t. It was useless last time. And for the love of God, Nobody say “nice pair.” We are not mature enough for that.