Cold Coffee and Keys

Lyrics

[Intro – Spoken, gritty Southern voice] Well, shit... Another twelve-hour shift. Same concrete walls. Same damn headaches. And the same motherfuckers acting like they run the place. Turn that guitar up! [Verse 1] Clocked in at six, already pissed off, Coffee went cold and my patience got lost. One's at the door yelling, "I need a damn phone!" Another's raising hell 'cause he can't go home. One wants a grievance, one's lost his shoes, One's got a hundred excuses and nothing to lose. One's screaming, "Officer, you don't know me!" I said, "Thank God, that's how I wanna keep it, homie!" Got a pod full of drama, a mountain of lies, Everybody's innocent if you believe their cries. They cuss, they fuss, they bitch, they moan, Then wonder why nobody leaves 'em alone! [Chorus – Loud, aggressive, shouted] ASSHOLE INMATES! Driving me insane! Bitching 'bout the food and complaining 'bout the rain! ASSHOLE INMATES! Same old fucking game! Everybody's got a problem, Everybody's got a name! You can holler, you can scream, You can raise all kinds of hell, But I'm just trying to survive Another shift inside this jail! ASSHOLE INMATES! Lord, give me a break! Twelve hours of this bullshit Is more than a man should take! [Verse 2] One flooded his toilet just to get attention, Another got caught with some homemade invention. One's got a tattoo that he swears ain't new, Another says, "Boss, I got something for you!" Hell no, buddy, I don't want that shit! Whatever you're hiding, you can keep it! One wants extra trays, one wants a snack, One says his missing commissary better come back! Count time comes and they're all out of place, One's got his blanket wrapped around his face. I say, "Stand up!" He says, "Kiss my ass!" I say, "Keep talking, you're making time pass!" [Chorus] ASSHOLE INMATES! Driving me insane! Bitching 'bout the food and complaining 'bout the rain! ASSHOLE INMATES! Same old fucking game! Everybody's got a problem, Everybody's got a name! You can holler, you can scream, You can raise all kinds of hell, But I'm just trying to survive Another shift inside this jail! [Verse 3 – Faster country-rap delivery] Got a radio squawking, got a headache pounding, Every damn corner's got another fool sounding. "Hey, boss! Hey, boss! Hey, boss! HEY!" Motherfucker, I heard you the first damn day! One's mad at his celly, one's mad at his bunk, One's crying 'bout somebody stealing his junk. One says he's the king of the whole damn block, But he's begging for a pencil at seven o'clock! Got professional complainers and jailhouse lawyers, Wannabe gangsters and bullshit destroyers. Acting hard as nails till the lights go down, Then somebody sees a spider and starts screaming through town! [Bridge – Slow, heavy guitar] Now, I ain't saying every inmate's bad, Some do their time without driving us mad. But there's always those few who just can't behave, Making every damn shift feel like an early grave. I don't need a medal, don't need applause, Just one quiet shift without somebody breaking the laws. Let me drink my coffee, let me do my rounds, Without another motherfucker trying to burn the place down! [Final Chorus – Full band, shouted] ASSHOLE INMATES! Y'ALL ARE DRIVING ME INSANE! Got twelve hours of bullshit Running through my brain! ASSHOLE INMATES! SAME SHIT, DIFFERENT DAY! Everybody's raising hell, But I ain't getting paid enough for this anyway! ASSHOLE INMATES! CAN'T YOU GIVE ME A BREAK?! I GOT BILLS TO PAY, A FAMILY AT HOME, AND ALL THIS SHIT TO TAKE! [Outro – Spoken, music fading] Finally... Shift's over. Keys turned in. Vest comes off. I'm going home. (Radio crackles.) "Officer, we need you for overtime." ... FUCK THAT SHIT! *(Massive guitar crash. Song ends.)