Why me

Lyrics

[Verse 1 — quiet, fragile singing] I still remember hiding when I heard you coming in Trying not to make a sound, praying you wouldn’t come again I was looking for my daddy, not somebody I should fear I was holding back my crying, hoping you wouldn’t hear I would lay there in my bed and wonder what I did wrong How a little boy could make the man he loved so mad for so long I was wishing I could disappear whenever things went bad I had a house that had a father, but I never had a dad And the saddest part is knowing I would still have run to you If the world had ever hurt me, you’d be who I’d run into But you were the one I needed protection from back then Now I’m grown, but some nights I’m that scared little boy again [Pre-Chorus — voice trembling] And I still hear your voice… When I’m lying here alone… I still feel like I’m in trouble… Even when I’m grown… Everybody says forgive you… Like it’s easy as a prayer… But nobody knows how hard it is… To forgive the one who wasn’t there… [Chorus — soft, aching melody] Daddy, why’d you hurt meeee… I was only tryna make you proud… I was just a little boy who needed you… Why’d you have to scare me like that now? I would’ve loved you through anything… I would’ve stood by you through pain… But you gave me all these memories… That keep coming back again… And I hate that I still need you… Even after what you did… I’m a grown man with a broken heart… Still that little scared kid… Daddy, I don’t know how to forgive you… I don’t know how to let it gooo… You were supposed to teach me love… But you taught me hurt instead… And that’s something you will never knowww… [Verse 2 — sparse guitar, almost spoken] I wonder if you know the reason I don’t talk about my past Or why I change the conversation when somebody asks I learned to hide my feelings, I learned to swallow every tear I learned the people meant to love you can become the ones you fear Sometimes I catch myself getting angry, and it scares me who I am I don’t wanna be the man you were, I’m just trying to understand How the little boy who needed love became a man who keeps it in How I learned to say “I’m fine” when I’m breaking down again I would’ve treasured one embrace, one “son, I know I did you wrong” One night you could’ve held me, told me I was safe all along But the apology I’m waiting for may never come around So I talk to you in songs about the pain I can’t put down And I wish that I could hate you, make it easier to heal But you’re still the man I wanted, and that’s the part that doesn’t heal How can someone miss a person who made them feel so small? I still wish you’d been the father I could call through it all [Bridge 1 — guitar slows, leave silence between lines] I was siiiix… I was seveeen… I didn’t know what love was supposed to meeean… I just knew… When you walked into the roooom… I would pray that you would leave me alooone… (Pause — one soft guitar chord) I needed my daddyyyy… Not another night of feaaaar… I needed you to hold meee… Tell me everything was cleeeear… But I cried myself to sleeep… And you never came in heeere… [Chorus — stronger, voice breaking naturally] Daddy, why’d you hurt meeee… I was only tryna make you proud… I was just a little boy who needed you… Why’d you have to scare me like that now? I would’ve loved you through anything… I would’ve stood by you through pain… But you gave me all these memories… That keep coming back again… And I hate that I still need you… Even after what you did… I’m a grown man with a broken heart… Still that little scared kid… Daddy, I don’t know how to forgive you… I don’t know how to let it gooo… You were supposed to teach me love… But you taught me hurt instead… And that’s something you will never knowww… [Bridge 2 — nearly a cappella, one guitar note underneath] What if I neeeever heal… What if these scars never fade… What if the little boy inside me… Still cries when he hears your name… What if I get one more chance… To tell you what you put me through… Would you finally say you’re sorry… Would you say you love me toooo? (Long pause) I don’t need you to be perfect… I just needed you to care… I just needed one good memory… That didn’t leave me scared… [Final Chorus — whisper first, then a soft emotional rise] Daddy, I still miss youuu… And I hate that that’s the truth… ‘Cause the man I’m supposed to run to… Was the man I had to fear in my youth… I keep waiting for the day… That this pain don’t feel so neeeew… But a part of me is still that boy… Still waiting there for you… I don’t know if I’ll forgive you… I just know I can’t forget…