If I Had a Dollar

Lyrics

[Verse 1] He called at seven, said the turbo quit Then the dash lit up like a Christmas kit By nine, that tire had gone pancake flat He was headed our way, then he wasn’t at that “Sorry, boss, got stuck at the last drop-off” While his GPS showed a truck-stop coffee shop And the load we’d booked was sitting there Getting older by the minute in the morning air [Chorus] If I had a dollar for every driver excuse I’ve heard I’d be retired Bought me a little place by the lake, put the old phone on a wire But the phone keeps ringing, and the dock clock keeps turning Another good load’s just sitting there burning If I had a dollar for every driver excuse I’ve heard I’d be retired [Verse 2] One said, “I forgot my mama’s funeral today” Then food poisoning took the whole afternoon away One’s dog passed on, and his wife walked out He said he couldn’t roll with his heart in doubt Another said the stars weren’t lined up right So he parked that rig till the planets aligned Then a freight-type mismatch came in by text Funny, he hauled the same stuff last week, no sweat [Chorus] If I had a dollar for every driver excuse I’ve heard I’d be retired Bought me a little place by the lake, put the old phone on a wire But the phone keeps ringing, and the dock clock keeps turning Another good load’s just sitting there burning If I had a dollar for every driver excuse I’ve heard I’d be retired [Bridge] “Dispatcher booked me another load” “Rate con took too long to hit my phone” I keep a list in the desk drawer now It’s longer than the highway home [Verse 3] The receiver’s waiting, the shipper’s sore The warehouse clock says quarter to four I ask if he’s coming, he says, “Might be late” Then sends a picture of a diner plate I mark it down, take another breath There’s always one more story left When the next rig calls with a brand-new tale I just ask what happened before the hail [Final Chorus] If I had a dollar for every driver excuse I’ve heard I’d be retired Bought me a little place by the lake, put the old phone on a wire But the phone keeps ringing, and the dock clock keeps turning Another good load’s just sitting there burning If I had a dollar for every driver excuse I’ve heard I’d be retired [Outro] Yeah, I’d be retired But the phone keeps ringing