POOTIE-POOT (The Sanction Shuffle)

Lyrics

[Intro – Spoken, Funky Bass] BREAKING NEWS! Somebody call the Kremlin! Pootie-Poot got a present! Horrorshow! HAHAHA! [Verse 1] Friday night, pen hit the page, Sunday sanctions locked in a cage. Congress said squeeze, Don said relax, Put a little bow on that Russian gas. Oil keeps pumping, diesel keeps flowing, Kyiv keeps fighting while the snow keeps blowing. National interest? Tell me whose! Uncle Vlad just got brand-new shoes! [Pre-Chorus] Red tie swinging, Kremlin bell ringing, Somebody laughing while the choir keeps singing. Who got the money? Who got the loot? Everybody holler— [CHORUS – Bouncy, Crowd Chant] POOTIE-POOT! POOTIE-POOT! Got another present in his birthday suit! Rubles in the pocket, oil in the chute, Doing that dance in his Kremlin boots! POOTIE-POOT! POOTIE-POOR! Who’s that knocking at the White House door? Sanctions out the window, diesel on the floor, Somebody tell Vlad he can’t have no more! [Verse 2] Bipartisan bill, everybody signed, Then somebody changed their presidential mind. Banks and barrels, billions at stake, How many loopholes can a billionaire make? Senators shouting, Don Beyer too, Even your own team’s questioning you! Meanwhile Ukraine standing tall, Holding that line while the missiles fall. [Bridge – Beat Drops Out] They said it’s in the national interest… Whose nation? They said it’s complicated… Translation? Pootie got diesel! Pootie got cash! Somebody put the sanctions In the presidential trash! [Final Chorus – Full Bass] POOTIE-POOT! POOTIE-POOT! Dancing through the loopholes in his shiny boots! POOTIE-POOR! POOTIE-POOR! Can’t buy peace at the company store! [Outro – Spoken] Hey Vlad! That ain’t a peace treaty, baby. That’s a fuel receipt! Horrorshow! Bass drops. Kremlin door slams.