(VAI) Like Making Babies From Candy

Lyrics

[Intro – spoken over bent bass riff, cheap organ, dry drum taps] Here is the problem: A room full of people Is not improved by the addition Of more room-full-of-people energy You turn it up? They turn up. You get loud? They get louder. Attack attracts people Like making babies from candy Which should not be possible Yet here you all are [Verse 1] Two in the morning in a fraternity hive Every fool in the building feeling terribly alive Feet on my bed and a drink on my shelf Somebody laughing like he invented himself I did my part, I hosted the plague Last night I parked where another man prayed But grace has a limit and mercy gets thin When six loud bastards will not let silence in I tried the stare I tried the sigh I tried the long internal wish to die But social gravity don’t understand A peaceful little hint from a tired little man [Pre-Chorus] Turn the music louder They call three more Every act of defense Becomes an open door [Chorus] Attack-attracts people Like making babies from candy Pour a little pressure on the room And somehow everybody gets randy Attack-attracts people Like making babies from candy You cannot kill a party By feeding what it understands So I reach for the record With the crooked little grin The one that makes a good-time crowd Reconsider where they’ve been [Verse 2] Now some music says, “Stay here, friend” Some music says, “Let the night not end” Some music puts its arm around the crowd And gives the loud a reason to get loud But I keep two small weapons by the turntable light For the hour I’m not sleeping but I’m finished with the night One walks in limping with a dead-eyed flute One wears a mustache and an absolute dispute Needle comes down First strange note One fellow freezes with a beer at his throat Somebody asks, “Is this supposed to be good?” I say, “I don’t know. But it’s understood.” [Pre-Chorus] The room loses rhythm The laughter gets small No one can party When the floor ain’t a floor at all [Chorus] Attack-attracts people Like making babies from candy Tell a crowd to go away And they multiply out of vanity Attack-attracts people Like making babies from candy But confusion is a bouncer With a very delicate hand So I don’t raise my voice I don’t announce my need I just water the evening With a very different seed [Instrumental Break – crooked marimba, wah guitar, lurching bass, sudden kazoo-sized guitar squeal] [Verse 3] First one looks left Second one looks right Third one says, “Man, I think I’m done for the night” Fourth one gathers the jacket from the chair Like the atmosphere has personally asked for air No fight No insult No “Get the hell away” Just twelve odd measures no drunk can obey By the time the rhythm changes shape again My doorway is clearing of my dearest friends One says, “You’re weird” One says, “You suck” One says, “Come on, boys, this room is fucked” I raise my glass to the vanishing herd And do not say a solitary word [Spoken Interlude – bass and hi-hat only] You see, attack is still conversation Attack says: I acknowledge your presence I have adjusted myself around you You matter enough to fight Wrong message The solution is not attack The solution is to make staying More confusing Than leaving [Bridge – rising, absurdly grand] Not ready for bed Not seeking repose Not trying to meditate Not counting my toes Just ready for all you motherfuckers To locate another chair Another floor Another room Another somebody’s innocent air Go forth Go loud Go multiply elsewhere My room has entered A controlled experimental phase [Breakdown – jerky funk-metal stomp] Needle down People out That is what the science is about Volume up Wrong attack Bring the whole damn species back Twist the beat Warp the key Weaponized perplexity One strange riff One empty room A man can breathe again By quarter past two [Final Chorus] Attack-attracts people Like making babies from candy Try to drive them out with thunder And the crowd just finds it dandy Attack-attracts people Like making babies from candy But a record full of sideways Can restore a man his land No yelling from the doorway No broom, no fist, no plea Just a little audio question No one wants answered socially Attack-attracts people Like making babies from candy I did not clear the room with force I made the room Stop making sense [Post-Chorus – gang vocals, badly coordinated] GO SOMEWHERE ELSE! PARK IT ELSEWHERE! THE SONG HAS TEETH! THE COUCH IS FREE! GOOD NIGHT, YOU ANIMALS! [Outro – spoken, room tone, record crackle] At 2:17 a.m. The final guest departed No blood was spilled No friendships ended No official complaint was filed I sat alone In the room I had recovered Listening to the peculiar little noise That had delivered me from company And from the windowsill The cat looked back at me Like the entire operation Had been obvious from the beginning Attack attracts people Like making babies from candy Confusion, however Sends them home