I hope it was worth it.

Lyrics

[Verse 1 - quiet rap] Seven years, half of them fiction I built a home, you fed an addiction I raised your babies, you raised suspicion I begged for love, you chased distractions Three and a half years, not a mistake A thousand mornings you could’ve walked away A thousand nights with your secrets tucked in tight Kissed me goodbye, went back to your lies Now you wanna tell me You’re brokenhearted too? How can you say your heart is broken When the breaking came from you? [Pre-Chorus] You said you loved her And you loved me? How convenient.. [Chorus - restrained] I hope it was worth it I hope it was worth it Three and a half years Tell me, was she really worth it? I hope it was worth it Now that you’ve lost it Had a whole damn life And you chose to double-cross it Don’t tell me you’re hurting Don’t tell me you’re learning You watched our world burning Kept your other world turning I hope it was worth it [Verse 2 - aching] Lying awake, I asked myself why Would it hurt more if you had died? Or knowing the love that I lived was a lie? At least death doesn’t look you in the eye And that’s a messed-up thought But here’s the messed-up truth I’d rather grieve the man I lost Than the man I never knew Death don’t lie beside you Pretending nothing’s wrong Death don’t whisper I love you While loving someone all along … Now I’m grieving every memory Every picture, every year Even happiness feels dirty When I see it through these tears You made me doubt my instincts Made me question what I knew My gut was screaming all along But my heart just wanted you [Chorus - fuller] I hope it was worth it I hope it was worth it All those years behind my back Tell me, was she really worth it? I hope it was worth it Now that you’ve lost it Had a whole damn life And you chose to double-cross it Don’t tell me you’re hurting Don’t tell me you’re learning You watched our world burning Kept your other world turning I hope it was worth it [Verse 3 - raw] Here’s the part that kills me The part I cannot shake You made me a mother Then stole the joy away I was up with crying babies Running empty, running thin You had somewhere else to run Someone else to let you in I needed you beside me I needed you to care I needed you to see me I was drowning over there But you had time for someone else Had energy to spare Funny how you found it all When I needed you right there Now you’re playing super dad Smiling for the crowd Same father, same old story Just a little more proud Who’s there when you’re gone? Who’s holding them at night? Who’s swallowing her heartbreak To keep their little world alright? You say you’re still the same dad Well isn’t that a shame? The mother of your children Will never be the same You can’t harm the tree Without harming the fruits [Short chorus - subdued] I hope it was worth it I hope it was worth it All those years behind my back Tell me, was she really worth it? [Instrumental break] [Bridge-painful, sung] I walk around this house But it don’t feel like home Every room holds memories I wish I’d never known You brought her to my safe place To the life that we had made Now even on my own sofa I can feel what you betrayed You didn’t just break my heart You poisoned where it healed Now you want me to fight for us ‘Cause you’re finally ready to? [Verse 4 - low, cold, no shouting] Grow a goddamn backbone Own the things you did Stop hiding from the choices And the double life you lived Had the balls to do it Had the time to keep it clean Now you’re standing speechless When I ask you what it means You don’t get a medal For admitting what I found You don’t earn forgiveness Just for breaking down Your guilt ain’t my burden Your tears ain’t my concern You had every chance to stop Now it’s your turn to learn Sit with what you ruined Live with what you chose Look into that mirror Meet the man nobody knows [Final Chorus - wounded, not shouted] I hope it was worth it I hope it was worth it All those years you stole from me Tell me, was she fucking worth it? I hope it was worth it Now that you’ve lost it Don’t come looking for my heart When you’re the one who tossed it I hope it was worth it … Was it worth the lies? Was it worth the years? Was she worth the woman Who’s drowning in her tears? I hope it was worth it I hope it was worth it [Outro - sung, exhausted] You say you needed to lose me To realize what you had No You knew what you had You just took it for granted Never thought you’d lose it And now I’m grieving A marriage I never had A man I never knew And the woman I was Before I knew the truth [Final refrain - fading] I hope it was worth it I hope it was worth it All that we had All that you cost us I hope it was worth it I hope it was worth it