Oh John

Lyrics

You a Bitch, John [Country stomp, twangy guitar, spoken verses] [Verse 1] John walked in with his chest puffed out, Had a whole lotta words till we cleared things out. Said, “I call it like I see it, buddy, that’s my thing.” Then the truth walked in and the phone quit ringing. Got a ten-gallon hat and a teaspoon spine, Says, “Don’t involve me,” then picks a side. You can polish them boots till the daylight’s gone, But they still walk backward when the heat comes on. [Chorus] You a bitch, John, bless your heart, All that horsepower, won’t even start. Got a big ol’ bark from behind that fence, Then you play confused when it’s time to make sense. You a bitch, John, sing along, If the boot don’t fit, why you hate this song? [Verse 2] You’re a heavyweight champ when I ain’t around, Throwing big opinions in a little-bitty town. But face to face, now you’re Switzerland, “Whoa, let’s settle down, I’m a peaceful man.” You can hold your beer, you can hold a grudge, But holding your position takes a little too much. Bought a belt buckle bigger than a dinner plate, Still can’t hold your pants up when you gotta talk straight. [Chorus] You a bitch, John, bless your heart, All that horsepower, won’t even start. Got a big ol’ bark from behind that fence, Then you play confused when it’s time to make sense. You a bitch, John, sing along, If the boot don’t fit, why you hate this song? [Spoken bridge] Now, John… Nobody asked you to wrestle a bear. Just say the same damn thing When everybody’s there. [Final chorus] You a bitch, John, there it is, Could’ve minded your own damn business. But you took that stage, better learn that tune, Can’t throw your shade then blame high noon. You a bitch, John, don’t take long, Just four little words and a country song. [Spoken outro] That’s John with an H… Or Jon without. Either way, You know who I’m talking about.