Put Your Hand Where It Doesn't Belong

Lyrics

[ALL VOCALS MALE — Including all quoted characters] [INTRO — 4 bars, scratch and bass] [Male DJ] WICKA-WICKA-WHAT?! [Male Rapper 1] I got magic hands, baby! [Male Rapper 2] And absolutely no common sense. [Male DJ] HIDE THE KNOBS! [VERSE 1 — Male Rapper 1, cocky] Rolled in the party with my chain on shine, Saw a little honey looking sweeter than wine. Said, "Want a long, hard lesson in playing pool?" She handed me a cue and said, "Don't act a fool!" I said, "Watch my shaft, got a powerful stroke!" She said, "You scratched the eight ball!" Man, she wasn't joking. I offered to knead her dough, butter her bun, She said, "My oven's preheated, but you're not the one!" I said, "I'm good with tools, I can drill all night!" She said, "Great, hang that shelf and get the angle right!" I said, "Baby, I've got a twelve-inch surprise!" She said, "That's a ruler." I said, "Well, size is size!" [CHORUS — 8 bars, all-male shout] PUT YOUR HAND WHERE IT DOESN'T BELONG! (HEY! HEY! YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!) You can work that knob, you can ring that bell, But you better ask first or it's straight to hell! A little to the left, a little to the right, Keep your wandering mitts in plain sight! PUT YOUR HAND WHERE IT DOESN'T BELONG! [Male DJ] WICKA-WICKA-MOVE ALONG! [VERSE 2 — Male Rapper 2, roasting him] This man went shopping for a firm ripe peach, Asked, "How deep in the basket do I gotta reach?" He squeezed two melons, then fingered a plum, Got chased through produce by a furious mum! Ordered extra sausage and a warm buttered roll, Said, "Put the cream on top!" Lost all self-control. "Can you fit this footlong?" he asked with a wink. The cashier said, "It's a sandwich. What did you think?" He said, "I got a package, heavy in the rear!" She said, "That's my new TV. Get it up here!" [Male DJ] UP THE STAIRS, YOU DEGENERATE! [Male Rapper 1] Why's everyone assuming things?! [CHORUS — 8 bars, all-male shout] PUT YOUR HAND WHERE IT DOESN'T BELONG! (HEY! HEY! YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!) Got a slippery grip and a filthy mind, But the green light comes before the grind! Twist that dial, don't cross that line, Consent first, then have a good time! PUT YOUR HAND WHERE IT DOESN'T BELONG! [Male DJ] PUT THE PRODUCE DOWN! [VERSE 3 — Rapid-fire male rap battle] [Male Rapper 1] Can I slip in the back? [Male Rapper 2] That's the service door! [Male Rapper 1] Can I stuff your turkey? [Male Rapper 2] Not anymore! [Male Rapper 1] Can I polish your knob? [Male Rapper 2] It's shiny, you creep! [Male Rapper 1] Can I lay your pipe? [Male Rapper 2] The plumber ain't cheap! [Male Rapper 1] Can I handle that big juicy— [Male Rapper 2] FINISH THAT AND YOU'RE THROUGH! [Male Rapper 1] ...watermelon. [Male Rapper 2] I AM SO DONE WITH YOU! [Male Rapper 1] Can I put my finger in— [Male Rapper 2] DON'T YOU DARE! [Male Rapper 1] ...the electrical socket. [Male DJ] GET AN ELECTRICIAN IN HERE! [BROADWAY BREAKDOWN — 12 bars maximum] [Male Rapper 1 — Operatic bass] OHHH! These hands can work all night! They know precisely how to make it right! [Male Rapper 2 — Dramatic tenor] THEN EXPLAIN THAT PACKAGE OF CONSIDERABLE SIZE! [Male Rapper 1] Twelve inches long, a feast for the eyes! [Male Rapper 2] YOU MONSTER! YOU BEAST! WHAT IS IT?! [Male Rapper 1] A SUB SANDWICH. WOULD YOU LIKE A BITE? [All-Male Choir] HE'S GOT THE LENGTH! HE'S GOT THE GIRTH! THE DIRTIEST MIND ON PLANET EARTH! [Male DJ] SOMEBODY CLOSE THE DELI! [FINAL VERSE — Double-time funk, Male Rapper 1] I said, "Wanna see me handle a tight little space?" She said, "Parallel park without wrecking the place!" I said, "My joystick's ready to go all night!" She said, "Then beat level nine, genius. Do it right!" I said, "I know exactly how to hit that spot!" She said, "It's the thermostat, fool. I'M HOT!" I said, "Let me mount that thing; I got just the touch!" She said, "That's my television. Don't charge too much!" [Male Rapper 2] Maybe ask before you make your move? [Male Rapper 1] She said yes to dancing, so I found my groove! [Male DJ] THE BOY HAS LEARNED A THING! [FINAL CHORUS — Once, big brass, all-male group] PUT YOUR HAND WHERE IT DOESN'T BELONG! (HEY! HEY! YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!) Shake those hips, let the bass get strong, But keep those hands where they belong! FUNKY LITTLE FINGERS, FUNKY LITTLE SONG! [Male DJ] WICKA-WICKA-RIGHT ON! [OUTRO — Quick spoken punchline, stop] [Male Rapper 1] She invited me over. Wants me to mount something. [Male Rapper 2] Don't say it. [Male Rapper 1] Needs both hands. Gotta get it up before Mom gets home. [Male Rapper 2] WHAT?! [Male Rapper 1] Seventy-five-inch television. [Male DJ] WICKA-WICKA-SON OF A— [RECORD SCRATCH. END.]